Wednesday, October 25, 2006

100 Confessions - Food

I just got this idea from Shenna...

1) I used to break the heads off of my chocolate Easter Bunnies and dip them in Peanut Butter
2) I very frequently stole my younger sister's Halloween Candy and then lied about it
3) I have eaten fish eyeballs...
4) ...and I think they're not-so-bad
5) I have not eaten red meat, pork or chicken for 14 years
6) I make killer enchiladas
7) I eat Oreos by opening them up and eating the cream center first...
8) ...sometimes I throw the Oreo cookie part away entirely
9) I like extra butter on my movie popcorn
10) I prefer dry roasted peanuts to honey roasted
11) I can't stop eating Chex Mix once I start
12) I love Indian food
13) I love Thai food
14) I love Japanese food (I am not referring to just sushi)
15) My grandma's favorite dish of mine was baked tomatoes with bread crumbs and cinnamon
16) I am addicted to carbs
17) My favorite fast food is probably Taco Bell, but I don't lie that it is pretty disgusting and bad for me
18) Sardines in olive oil are pretty good on white toast
20) I miss drinking wine
21) I love Mexican food (Sonora style is my most favorite, Baja style second favorite)
22) I was naive and thought Costa Rican food would taste like Mexican food
23) I saw Vin Disel in L.A. when I first went for Dim Sum
24) If I had my own restaurant it would be a diner and open all night
25) I don't know how to BBQ
26) ...I can't say that I am interested in learning how to BBQ which is odd because I do like learning new things
27) Janine's banana cake is the best banana-anything I have ever eaten
28) I am very picky about tomatoes but that is because I love them so
29) I like the lip gloss that smells like cola - because I really like cola - Diet Coke, most notably
30) I spent 6 years attending the local Hare Krishna temple each week because they had the most killer vegetarian food around
31) I used to hang out in another vegetarian restaurant led by fanatical Buddhists whose spiritual leader was a woman and they had televisions all around showing her giving speeches or modeling in fashion shows. She was very much like a revered ,Chinese Oprah. The food was absolutely amazing.
32) When I walked home from school as a kid, I ate berries from the neighbor’s bushes.
33) My sister did too.
34) I love homemade soup.
35) I still miss Tom’s cooking.
36) I am looking forward to my brother in law’s cooking this Christmas
37) Right now, I have a See’s Candies catalog in my bathroom that I’ve been browsing through for a week now (this was hard to admit...)
38) I love well-made cheesecake
39) I am excited by flambe dishes
40) I don’t cook to relax, I go out
41) I have three kinds of ice cream in my freeze at the moment: pumpkin, strawberry, mint oreo cookie
42) My favorite ice cream is currently Haagen Dazs Strawberry Cheesecake, only sold in their stores
43) I used to work in a Mexican Restaurant. I never ate the food there.
44) My favorite classy restaurant is French, very tiny and very secluded.
45) When I get upset, I loose my appetite
46) My mom dated a lot when I was a kid. She always brought half her dinner home for me and my sister.
47) My mom was broke when I was a kid and always shopped very carefully for food.
48) My mom made me a pink cake when I turned 11
49) My mom made the most killer jello
50) I make pretty killer jello now, according to my son
51) One day I will make dinner for my husband
52) One day I will make desert for my husband
53) If I don’t have coffee in the mornings, I get cranky even though I really don’t mean to
54) My grandfather loved to take me for clam chowder down by the ocean when I was a kid
55) I am glad that I really loved Sushi after I first tried it
56) I don’t watch television - ever - but when I did a few years back, I liked Food Network because everyone was happy
57) My friends in Rwanda fed me as though I were a queen. I felt so blessed, so honored.
58) Chips and salsa are to be shared with friends.
59) I used to eat out of the neighbor’s trash cans when I was a kid - not because my mother didn’t feed me but because I was terribly curious
60) I don’t like fruit for desert
61) I am really looking forward to spending Thanksgiving this year at my church helping host a dinner for single parent families
62) I’m kinda getting sick of pizza
63) Even though I don’t eat meat, I really like the taste of BBQ sauce
64) When I meet Jesus, I’m going to ask how he fed a crowd of 5000 with a kid’s lunch
65) I will not go to bed hungry tonight, but many will
66) It bothers me when people say EXPRESSO
67) My sister makes a seriously mean cup of tea
68) Canters in L.A. is one of my favorite restaurants of all time
69) I have eaten in one of Emeril Lagasse’s restaurants - it was okay
70) Vegetarian chorizo is worth trying once
71) Don’t tell me tofu dogs don’t taste like hot dogs, like DUH!
72) TiNA never cooked for me when she lived here
73) TiNA cooked for me last weekend before church and it was quite tasty
74) I always liked how Wallace and Gromit were passionate about cheese
75) Nothing replaces pie and hot coffee at 3am
76) I make good fried eggs
77) If you don’t serve bread with my grandpa’s meal, he gets sad
78) I used to make homemade peach cobbler with the peaches from the branches of my neighbor’s tree that came into my yard
79) I ate lunch in a restaurant alone today...
80) ...I didn’t mind
81) I believe there is something odd about Americans who freeze part of their wedding cake and then eat it a year later...I don’t mean to offend people when I say this...but am I the only person who thinks this is gross?
82) British Pub food is not so good
83) When my son was small, we ate at a small bistro in Paris and they treated us so well because my son kept exclaiming the food was so delicious. I will never forget those kind people.
84) I used to write a lot of poetry about pancakes
85) Grilled cheese sandwiches bring back some tough memories - but I can't say why
86) No one cuts your sandwhich into triangles unless they love you
87) When you are eating and then you close your mouth and kiss someone with food still in it, you are showing them how joyful your love is for them. It shows you must express your love IN THAT MOMENT! This works well with Italian food.
88) Vegas buffets are over-rated
89) Fresh lime juice is better than bottled
90) Thai mango and sticky rice is to die for
91) When I worked at Baskin Robbins, I got in trouble for making chocolate clown cones with fudge dreadlocks.
92) I taught my son to eat ice cream straight from the container
93) I love any kind of olive
94) Nothing replaces Denny’s
95) My son and I pray together at every meal we share
96) If I feel prayer over food will make others uncomfortable, I toast to God...I hope God understands why I do this. I believe in my heart He does.
97) I like punch but it gives me headaches
98) Steamed clams and oysters with Tabasco take me away...
99) I never say no to a donut
100) When I can’t sleep, I drink hot tea...and I write.

Saturday, October 21, 2006


I loved this...enjoy!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006


God is here now.

I took these photos from my car over the weekend. Yes friends, it's true...Southern California isn't always glamorous.

Tonight, I am remembering that sometimes, neither am I.

But HE is.

I reflect upon the contrast of God's sky and man's buildings and roads.

Even if only to glimpse of God from the corner of my eye, it would be enough. Tonight, I pray He would not hide His face from me.

Sunday, October 15, 2006


I feel like running away to Baja, Mexico today. The weather is turning a bit cooler...actually, it looks like it might rain today, and I need a break from Southern California. If I got into my car now, I'd be there by dinner. These thoughts are going around in my head.

I'm suffering for oysters. I'm suffering for a nighttime coffee and looking out over a busy street. I have spent some of the best moments of my lifetime in Mexico. Something about that is a part of me.

Well, tomorrow is Monday and back to work for me. But I think I'm going to pretend I'll get a break soon and be able to go down to Baja and spend a couple days there...(sigh) maybe it could happen...just gotta make some time...

Saturday, October 14, 2006


It's 2am here in California and I can't sleep. Okay, let me back up and say that I fell asleep...but then I woke up at 1am.

This is the best part about being single. You do whatever you want.

For example, sometimes I fall asleep in my living room. My old roommate used to ask me why I did that.

Because I can.

I really never had any other reason than that.

It's 2am and eggs with avocados and pomegranate tea sound good to me. It's 2am and Modern British Poetry and the Black Eyed Peas sound good too. It's 2am and there are now clothes in the dryer. It's 2am and I'm a child of God loving Him tonight. Errh, this morning. Errh, whatever...

It's 2am and somewhere, I imagine...

...fireworks are going off.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


It's a difficult concept for some to comprehend. Tonight, I'm grateful I finally got it. More than 10 years running and then another 2 years just listening.

How long did it take YOU?

Sunday, October 08, 2006


And my sighing is not hidden from YOU. --Psalm 38:9

I gave my testimony for the first time yesterday (to an English speaking audience). I recall sharing my story in Rwanda but there was the whole element of "they probably don't understand much of what I'm saying..." that helped calm my nerves.

I'm just being real here.

On the lines of being real, I want to share that yesterday was one long haze for me. I did not prepare for my testimony. I stepped outside the room of women about 10 minutes after the singing began. I had brought my notebook with me. I rested it on a cement pillar outside the church, near the children's center and I just prayed and began to write.

Then I ripped out the first page. And I began to write again. I did a bullet point sort of outline and took it back inside...but after speaking less than a minute, I ended up shutting the notebook and just talked.

Speaking to the women's group in the morning took courage. I was very touched by the women who came later to say they were helped by my story. But what happened later on in the day still has me in a bit of shock.

Friends, my pastor asked me to share again last night during the Singles Service. I won't give the details but I was up in front of a few hundred people and I was belting it out again...the most painful, vulnerable details of my life.

Last night, I gave Satan my middle finger. I'd had enough of the tricks he'd used my whole life to isolate me, to keep me from being real with anyone because I know God has a plan for me and I can't keep pretending I can't hear His call to speak up, to speak out, to open up, to reach out. It's time to openly give glory to God for healing me.

My son and I spoke this evening. He continues to be so torn up because he's going back and forth between my house and his father's. I sat my boy down and proceeded to share my testimony very openly with him as well. I told him that I know it hurts and I'm so sorry it hurts. I told him that I never regretted having him. And I apologized for all the mistakes I made. And I apologized that I was so broken for so long and wasn't a proper mother when I should have been. And I stroked the curls on his teenage head and told him I loved him more than anything in this world. I told him I could handle it if he moved back to his father's. I know he doesn't want this but he can't keep living in two homes.

Lord, I am yours tonight
Take all of me
I am not sure what's next
But there is no fear in me tonight
Only awe

Every step I take, I take with You
Keep my son close to You
I take these risks
because I believe in You

I am truly free...

Tonight, all my desires are before the Lord but I can't help but sigh, because I believe what I shared this weekend is going to change my life.

Friday, October 06, 2006


Sunday, October 01, 2006


Next weekend I will be giving my testimony for the first time at my church. This is a big step for me.

I spent some time with a pastor last week and the woman organizing the event to talk about my life and seek guidance on what I should share. Their answer was simple: share whatever the Spirit leads you to share.

I think the parts of my life where I screwed up are easy to tell. That's probably because I am the kind of person who has always been hard on herself. I mean, it is just like me to say: don't do the stupid things I did. But it isn't so easy to open up the parts of my life where I felt I was victimized or manipulated. Some pain in life is unavoidable. And I still feel a bit tender-hearted over some things.

I find, that even after surrendering my life to the Lord and after a couple years of private counseling, I still beat myself up for things I didn't have any control over. I am still a victim sometimes in my mind.

I'm not sure WHY I feel this way. Sometimes, I feel really strong...sometimes, not so strong. It all comes rushing back to me.

Friends, there have been mountains in my life. I suppose a few are still out there for me to climb. But I face them with the strength of my Redeemer. Lord, tonight I'm loving you...I'm holding onto you.

Father, all that I am I owe to you
My mind, my heart, my soul, my strength
All of it belongs to you
All of it remains healthy because of you

For you redeemed me
You paid the price for me
And I love you
I am so grateful for You

Lord, I see the mountains
those behind me
those before me
And I am no longer afraid

And I know it's gonna take more work
For me to be okay
I just ask that you bring me what I need
Or whom I need

Lord, I want things to be okay inside me
I wish I could shake some stuff off
But you know why it isn't going to be that easy
So I'm giving this to you

Father, no one but you can make it right
For the Holy Spirit gives me strength
And your love gives me momentum
To take my healing higher