Saturday, September 30, 2006

little girl
i see

breathless heart
taking flight

the skies are wide open

little girl

no mountain's your match

Thursday, September 28, 2006


They left me a wreck
Those lies I told myself
Those guys I want to forget

Forging ahead
Wondering for what
emotions are meant
no straight lines to love
only passions bent

Frauds only drain
pretty girl
heart stained
thunder in my heart
each day more rain

Forging ahead
when part of me was dead
wondering for what,
emotions are meant

Enter your light
a love that didn't
Your great gift to me
and now I realize
i once was blind
but now I see

'cause if everyone knows so much
why are so many traveling away
from who they really are?
a mess

'cause if everyone knows so much
why are they sticking it to themselves
every single day?
lonely, at best
a mess

protector of my heart
you gave yourself for me
but I didn't see
until I gave up the fight

'cause if everyone knows so much
then even fools can see
what you mean to me
my life
my gift to thee
and I'm not backing down
just because I can't see
with my eyes
what my heart believes

Thursday, September 21, 2006


This post is inspired by an email Gina sent around about a week ago. It was one of those emails where you answer questions so people can get to know a bit more about you. One of the questions went something like, "when you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?" I wanted to be many things. What sticks out most in my mind is that I wanted to be a comedian, a minister (inspired by my grandfather) and a writer.

Just wondering what YOU wanted to be. And if you like, let me know what you are doing now.

Please comment!

Monday, September 18, 2006


Your road led through the sea,
your pathway through the mighty waters--
a pathway no one knew was there! Ps. 77:19

Kind King,
love of my life
your road lead through my sea
where waters raged and swept
the very best part of me

When I called
your Spirit came near
circling me in my waters of despair
lifting the weight of my loneliness
with your gentle tides

Lover of my soul,
Great Mystery,
you saved me from waters deep within
where I was once tied to deadwood
with my shame, my sin

and now the bluest skies seem nearly here
for in my soul, your heaven's near

Sunday, September 17, 2006


God made us plain and simple but we have made ourselves very complicated. Eccl. 7:29

You know, my posts have dwindled. Time for myself and connecting with others has been short-changed somehow. I'm not gonna lie. I'm very tired tonight as I write.

I have been quite exhausted in the recent weeks. 12 hour days and time in the office on weekends. All this hit just as I was hired onboard for a small part time position with my church. I do believe, however, this is a season. I hang in there. I keep focused on the Lord. The upside of my exhaustion is that I am not currently asking "what's next" - which often seems a constant lament. Right now, I don't wanna know what's next. "Next" somehow equates in my mind to "more" and "more" I do not want at the moment.

God made us plain and simple...

I love to write. It is one gift the Father graciously bestowed me. Tonight, just writing a little bit, etching out something, feels precious to me.

...but we have made ourselves very complicated...

Such profound words from Solomon who once tried to find fulfillment apart from God. I recently wondered if the absence of enough time has somehow been caused by the infliction of a multitude of tasks now present in my life which seem to stand apart from God.

which seem to stand apart from God... and yet no task stands apart from God as He is in all things.

So there I go, making things complicated.

I imagine some birds build nests more swiftly than others. I mean, it's all about how quickly one can find the threads, the twigs, the cotton...sometimes predators lie in wait...sometimes eggs need to be nurtured and nestled. Some seasons lend themselves to swift solutions, others do not, but the tasks overall remain the same. The plain and simple truth is that God is in all things, including the seasons in life that seem to slow us to a grinding halt.

I take time this evening to reflect upon how complicated I've made my life...I rest in the promise that God's ways are plain and simple, His yoke is easy, His burden is light. How heavy my own self-induced burdens seem to me...the burden of perfection, the burden of over-willingness and ambition.

Tonight, I praise God for He has bound me to Him and lies within the intimacy of every task and toil in my life. Plain and simple.

With a deep breath,
I let it out
...asking You to take hold of all places in my life...
With a deeper breath,
I let this go
...submitting to Your nature, giving up my own

For You have made me plain and simple
and I really appreciate that
even though one might not ever know it from my actions

For You have made the nest,
the twig, the task, the thunder
Wonderful You
Flawless You

For You have made the seasons
and the signs,
the rain that washes life into inordinate brilliance

And it's me, who's made things complicated
Me, mercurial and human
humbly repenting for my arrogance...
asking for forgiveness...

With a deep breath,
I let it out
I let You in
Moving through this season of triumph
...holding onto You, holding onto me...

Sunday, September 10, 2006


When I returned home from Rwanda my son, Forrest, shared with me that he'd been working on some t-shirt graphics while I was away. He's sold a few of them to a company that prints Christian tees. Proud mom that I am, I wanted to post some of his designs on my site. I snagged these from his webpage. I don't think he'd mind. He says it's okay as long as I give him credit.

You mean, I can't take credit as his creative mom?

Don't answer.

Thank you all for your continued prayers for me and Forrest. Blessings to you on the gorgeous Sunday.

In Christ,

Tuesday, September 05, 2006


I have offered thanks before for good friends. This gal, however, is a gem and today she basically talked me out of near tears. I'm not gonna delve into the subject other than to say it was NOT related to my health or my family (praise God).

There is something quite significant about TiNA. And I have to laugh because she insists on spelling her name "T-i-N-A." I asked her why once and she said that it wasn't about the capital T or N or A. It was all about the lower case "i" - meaning it's not all about "i" --- hmmmm. Food for thought to be certain.

I posted some cool pics here of TiNA while we were in Rwanda. At one point, the Pastor asked us to step up and sing in front of the congregation. TiNA not only belted out a pitch-perfect solo of "Trust God" acapella, she went on to pick up an electric guitar (connected to an amp powered by a car battery) and strummed some more fresh godly jams. Heads turned, jaws dropped and kids stared in awe as Janine, Gina and myself sat back and on earth are we gonna top THAT! It was truly truly a gas!

So I want to thank my friend this evening for trusting me with her own concerns as well as listening to mine of recent. The great thing about a small group is that we "truly do life together"...this is what Jesus taught us. I may not be rolling with Peter or John but TiNA certainly ROCKS in my book!

Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Commit to the Lord in whatever you do
and your plans will succeed
Pray Lord I'm available to you
Here I am, Lord use me
Here I am, Lord use me...

Monday, September 04, 2006

Typically, I don't post too many personal photos. I tend to grab them from the Internet. But as I have tons of pictures from my trip, I hope you won't mind me working with these for a while.

To be honest, I spend a lot of time looking at them. I have been gazing over and over them. Psalms come to mind, Paul's letters come to mind, the gospels ring in my head and heart. What an honor it is to be loved by God.

It was official last week. I'm now on staff with my church. Part time, that is. I am going to be serving in the Single Parent Ministry. I don't know what to say about being a single parent other than it's tough. It's tough but God has blessed me with a really wonderful son.

I am up late tonight blogging. My son starts school tomorrow but he went back over to his father's house. I could tell he wasn't too crazy about leaving. I could tell he felt guilty as well as conflicted. It isn't fair to him that he shares time between our homes. I am often at a loss as what to do. I have told him that he could go back to living with his father full time but it isn't what he wants. I tell him I will support him living with me full time but he cannot express his desires to his father. Sometimes, when my son is here, I hear him on the phone with his dad, his dad asking him "what's wrong with me? don't you love me?" It is heartbreaking and I wish his father wouldn't put him through this.

What I have done is surrender this situation to God. What I have done is decided that to be obedient to God, I will serve other single parents. I've been through a lot. My son has too. And yet, God has had his healing hand upon us for the last few years. God has been so very faithful in every measure. In every moment. We're gonna make it through.


My son,
I miss you tonight
thinking about the argument we had about the XBOX
and your class schedule
and too many Monster drinks
thinking about how I washed your t-shirts this weekend
and your one pair of jeans
to get you ready for your junior year

My son,
I miss you this moment
wondering if I'll get addicted to late-night writing and coffee again
if you spend too much time away from me
wondering if you'll remember to pray at your dad's
wondering if you'll remember to brush your teeth
and the braces I just paid off

My son,
I'm amazed
that God would give me you
and create such a marvelous path
out of my heartbreak
and create such peace
with His promises

For although we can't always be together
we love the same God
and He loves us
and part-time anything is better than no-time
and part-time anything feels, my son, like full-time
because not a minute goes by that I'm not your mother
and what a gift this is to my soul..

...and this will be enough until I see you


Sunday, September 03, 2006


I had a nice chat with my brother-in-law yesterday. He said something to me that struck me. He said he was proud that I had mentioned to my sister I'd move to Rwanda for a while to help out in the efforts going on there. And yes, most enthusiastically I would but as I share custody of my son, it isn't an option for me at this stage in my life. But I said it and I meant it. What he went on to say had deeper implications for myself and certainly for other Christians.

Having grown up the son of an Anglican Vicar, he knew many who'd ventured to far off places like Africa and the Pacific Islands to do "God's work" as missionaries. He said they would come back with their stories of having traveled to far off places but that they'd never return. He perceived many just wanted to being able to say they'd gone. He said they'd go to "check off that box." And I think I knew what he meant. (sigh)

I do believe it is simply okay to go on a mission somewhere and possibly not return. When one returns they will have their pictures and stories to tell that will undoubtedly be used by God to encourage others to go and serve. I also think of the Apostle Paul who continued to write letters of encouragement and guidance to churches. Even from prison, He continued to write, to reach out, even sending others in His place. Paul understood how important relationship-building is to our faith. So even if one does not return, they can send their love.

It was quite thrilling for me to go someplace so far from home. To travel to a land so different. I have always had a heart for other cultures. So the idea of moving to another culture to live and to serve appeals to me. I realize it doesn't appeal to some. And I also must realize that although I have a personal desire to serve overseas, I have surrendered my life path to God and currently, He holds all details.

But between you and me, I really hope I get to "give it a shot" one day...


Saturday, September 02, 2006


Today is my niece's birthday. Her name is Evelyn and I will never forget the weekend she was born.

It was pouring rain and I was in Mexico (off the Gulf of California on the East side of Baja) with some of my closest friends. I believe it was my brother in law, Simon, who called from England. Later, after I learned Evie had been born and my sister was doing well, I remember toasting with my friends in celebration of my great joy.

My sister's Internet is down right now but maybe she'll get a gander at this post in a week or so. This evening my heart is filled with warmth and love for my sister and her family in England. I miss them and I love them. I thank God each day for their sweet hearts.