PRAISING GOD FOR HIS UNFAILING LOVE
It is 4:00 a.m. Saturday morning. I did not post a praise yesterday but when I said 40 Days of Praise, I meant it. 40 Days.
Yesterday was tough on my heart. I was not in a position to blog until, perhaps after dinner but I found myself weeping and then I fell asleep.
This is Friday's post.
I praise God for His unfailing love. He sees my heart. He rewards my obedience and yet allows me to come to Him, to make my own decisions. There was a decision I made recently that left me in conflict. I struggle to understand this now. This decision involves me keeping in contact with a man whom I feel attracted to but that I know I should not pursue because he doesn't share my faith.
I'M NOT GONNA KID MYSELF
What I find powerful about my interaction with him is that it very quickly drew attention to what I feel inside and struggle with on a deeper level.
My tears aren't for him, my tears are for my future husband. I wonder, God, did you create someone for me? And how long until he gets here? My tears are for God. To show him this hurts.
Friends, as a child did you ever steal something? Did you ever take something that wasn't yours? Maybe it was a candy bar or a toy. Maybe you took an extra cookie when you were instructed not to. That's how I feel. I'm that child being asked to return what is not mine. These tears express my shame and my disappointment that this will not be mine. But I am obedient. I trust the Father who loves me and instructs me.
I praise God for friends. My friend was there for me Friday night to talk. She shared with me something I find as REAL as I find controversial. Many men who are not Christians are drawn to the Christian woman because she is humbled, she is honorable, she is loving and very real. We are an anomaly in this ugly world. The struggle we face in our hearts is disruptive and can be costly if we are not accountable to one another.
I feel this man is drawn to me. I feel myself being drawn to him and I think: this is stupid. But he isn't the first and he will not be the last. This is a battle I feel I will be engaged in for a long time, maybe even for the rest of my life. God's love will always be enough. But I face that God's love won't translate into a pair of arms around me at night.
LORD, HEAR MY PRAISES
Father, I praise you
Lord, I love you with all my heart
And last night, I wept at the foot of the cross
Asking to understand your unfailing love for me
Feeling wretched and weak
Humbled by my curiousity and selfish desire
Humbled by your love outstretched for ME
And, Father I wept for those who do not yet know you
I wept for those whom I feel I could love
I wept for my heart that deceives me
I called out for your truth to guide me
Gracious Redeemer, I praise you for the Cross
Father, I praise you
Lord, I love you with all my heart
Amen.
P.S. I ate a Klondike Bar mid-way through this post. Friends, I think I'm gonna be okay. Thank you for continuing to read...
It is 4:00 a.m. Saturday morning. I did not post a praise yesterday but when I said 40 Days of Praise, I meant it. 40 Days.
Yesterday was tough on my heart. I was not in a position to blog until, perhaps after dinner but I found myself weeping and then I fell asleep.
This is Friday's post.
I praise God for His unfailing love. He sees my heart. He rewards my obedience and yet allows me to come to Him, to make my own decisions. There was a decision I made recently that left me in conflict. I struggle to understand this now. This decision involves me keeping in contact with a man whom I feel attracted to but that I know I should not pursue because he doesn't share my faith.
I'M NOT GONNA KID MYSELF
What I find powerful about my interaction with him is that it very quickly drew attention to what I feel inside and struggle with on a deeper level.
My tears aren't for him, my tears are for my future husband. I wonder, God, did you create someone for me? And how long until he gets here? My tears are for God. To show him this hurts.
Friends, as a child did you ever steal something? Did you ever take something that wasn't yours? Maybe it was a candy bar or a toy. Maybe you took an extra cookie when you were instructed not to. That's how I feel. I'm that child being asked to return what is not mine. These tears express my shame and my disappointment that this will not be mine. But I am obedient. I trust the Father who loves me and instructs me.
I praise God for friends. My friend was there for me Friday night to talk. She shared with me something I find as REAL as I find controversial. Many men who are not Christians are drawn to the Christian woman because she is humbled, she is honorable, she is loving and very real. We are an anomaly in this ugly world. The struggle we face in our hearts is disruptive and can be costly if we are not accountable to one another.
I feel this man is drawn to me. I feel myself being drawn to him and I think: this is stupid. But he isn't the first and he will not be the last. This is a battle I feel I will be engaged in for a long time, maybe even for the rest of my life. God's love will always be enough. But I face that God's love won't translate into a pair of arms around me at night.
LORD, HEAR MY PRAISES
Father, I praise you
Lord, I love you with all my heart
And last night, I wept at the foot of the cross
Asking to understand your unfailing love for me
Feeling wretched and weak
Humbled by my curiousity and selfish desire
Humbled by your love outstretched for ME
And, Father I wept for those who do not yet know you
I wept for those whom I feel I could love
I wept for my heart that deceives me
I called out for your truth to guide me
Gracious Redeemer, I praise you for the Cross
Father, I praise you
Lord, I love you with all my heart
Amen.
P.S. I ate a Klondike Bar mid-way through this post. Friends, I think I'm gonna be okay. Thank you for continuing to read...
posted by Danielle at 4:20 AM
8 Comments:
Thanks for sharing your heart Danielle, it must not have been easy. So many single women struggle with this, especially single moms. We are looking for fathers for our children and husbands for ourselves, when in truth God is our father and we are his bride.
I am praying for you. As I went to bed last night God really laid you on my heart to pray for you.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend. God has someone perfect who is preparing himself for you, as you are preparing yourself for him.
Oh my sweet loving Danielle. God loves you and I love you! I know your strength is not out of the blue... it has come with many struggles and life lessons. I am praising God that you found Him and that He found you. Keep up the praising. Satan is hitting us hard right now... but he WILL NOT win this battle. We will be Godly women... at all times!! This battle is the Lords!
I will miss the 40 Days of Praise while I am goin on vacation. Make them good... so I can read them all when I get back. Love ya!!
My dear Danielle,
Wow! look at your honesty and
your assessment of the situation.
Wow! You are growing deeply in Christ.. and yes, temptations are always finding ways to enter our life.
Praise God! He resisted the temptations and when I submit myself to him, and resist the devil, the devil flee from me (James 4:7)..and as I sweatly and weepingly stand in front of Him, sometimes I can't help myself but ask: "Lord, is it enough?"
Lead me not to temptation..
I pray for you and ask you will pray for me too (*_*).
God bless and with love.
that post was so brutally honest it made me tear up. you, as a woman thoroughly in love with the Lord, truly ARE an anomaly, but a great one. I truly believe that your faith and utter dependence on the Lord will result in the Lord bringing you a man who will know what it is to be Christ to you, and you will also learn what it is to be led by and depend on a man who is in tune with the Spirit. I pray he comes to you quickly, but of course only as the Lord sees fit. I believe he will come, though. Rest in the fact that the Lord's timing is complete and perfect. :D
It is tough for me to respond to your comments. They are all so generous and kind. I cried as I read each one. I never imagined I would be finding support from blogging. Seriously. But then, here it is. God is kind, kind, kind to me today.
Thank you for your honesty. Even as a married woman, I have been so lonely, so discarded at times, so dry that it would be so easy to just tip over the edge..........
Yes, a Christian woman draws men who want what she has, but are not willing to reach out for it themselves. Be careful, they can draw out the love that Christ has placed in her, and then they run off leaving us empty and anguished and not understanding what happened. Then we run to God to be full once again, only to be drained yet another time by the unbeliever, or even carnal Christian, until sometimes we nearly die of it. It can go on for years.
So important, that "equally yoked" principle.
Our weakness is to be the apple of a man's eye, and to be desired. Perhaps not a weakness, but placed there by God. But we can't fill a thirst for living water with any other substitute! Hard learned lessons for me.
Diana - again, such wisdom. Thank you for sharing your struggles in this area. It is comforting to know I am not alone. And what you said about the "carnal Christian"...yes, they too have crossed my path. These are wise, wise words. The wise man will see Christ directly, not through me, not through any woman.
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