Unfailing Love

2008-08-25T11:06:00.001-07:00

ME AND THE BOYS
Rad and I talked a bit last night about my life and the changes I've been going through.

The transition to Northern California was tough and easy at the same time. I had a great man waiting for me, a great church and God. But I left behind some good friends and opportunities to participate in ministries as a single woman.

Much of my time these days is spent keeping the new house in order and looking for work. It takes a lot of work to keep the house tidy especially since we are somewhat crammed into a small space. My husband's house was packed before I arrived. After I got here with my things and then my son moved in, things were even more cluttered.

I've spent a lot of time cleaning the garage and making space inside the house. I've taken several trips to Goodwill to deposit items we aren't using or don't need or have 2 of. I've enjoyed the work - the feeling of participating in my new life, the feeling of making things nice and more comfortable for my new family.

I read a Max Lucado devotional the other day where he stressed that our first ministry is at home, with our family. This is something I'm getting used to. It is just hard to give up some of that control. When you're single, you can pick from a smorgasboard of ministries. It was a time in my life where I experienced a tremendous amount of freedom. But I think I knew that and I did live my single life to its fullest. I have no regrets, only really wonderful memories.

BEING MARRIED IS HARD
I think being married is the toughest thing I've ever done as a single person. (and you can quote me on that! haha)

Being married requires me to compromise, humble myself daily, have patience, have faith and work through conflict again and again and again.

I see now how ministry prepared me for marriage. The tougher the service in His name, the closer I got to being ready for marriage. That isn't to say that I didn't fail miserably in the "work through conflict" department - I did. Well, I failed some of the time, not all of the time. But all that I put into humbling myself, forgiving others and alternately holding my tounge and expressing my feelings in a healthy way (a craft I've yet to master but I'm getting decidedly more proficient with each trial)has contributed to preparing me for marriage.

My husband and I have conflict every day. Some would say "well, why did you marry that person?" Because our marriage is the most God-centered, fruitful relationship that I've had. It is authentic and real which means we bring our REAL, UNMASKED selves to the table and neither of us is perfect!

PRAYERS
I pray that my new mom-ministry will be fruitful. I have my own son living with us now. He's 18 and in college. He has tremendous talent but we haven't the means to send him to art school right away. I still need to work on healthier boundaries with him and letting go. Then there are my husband's sons. They are getting used to me and me to them. I want to humble myself and be glad for the work and trials involved. I also want to be a healthy example of a woman who loves Jesus.

I know God has brought me to this point and I know, no matter how tough, I'll get through this with His strength. On my own strength, I'd be toast!

2008-08-20T18:31:00.002-07:00

OUR STORIES, HIS STORY
Read a friend's testimony today I am reminded of my own. I used to have it written here in this blog but I removed it after a time. To protect the innocent, as they say because I'd referred to some people in it and then decided maybe they didn't want some of those details made public. Still, I might re-write it again. I'm not sure. What I read today inspired me. The good thing is, my testimony is still unfolding...God's work in me just beginning. Chapters are building upon chapters.

I have grown more intimate with God in the past few years. And with the deepening of that relationship I've learned a lot more about Him and a lot more about me. Through counseling and the building of authentic relationships where I have encouraged people to speak truth into my life, I've had many valuable lessons. I dunno. Is this just another definition of wisdom? Whatever it is, it's painful. But it's surely good.

My friend's testimony was boldly written. She let it all out - the unsightly - the bruised - the ugly. I was intrigued, surprised and elated. Her honesty a testament to the trust-relationship she has with her savior. Her story, HIS story.

THINKING BACK
The first time I gave my testimony in church I believe now that I focused on the "victim" side of my life. I talked alot about what had been done "to" me and how I had risen above such circumstances and forgiven those involved. Now, I see that story as the "first layer" of truth. It was embarassing to talk about the stuff that hurt me. Hmmmm. But then, there are the things I did to hurt others.

Whenever I hear or read someone's story where they are willing to spell out what a lousy muck they were - I am humbled. I am amazed and I am weakened - my shell of pride stripped. One day, will I tell everyone all the things I've done? It took such a long time for me to tell Jesus.

But He knew all the time anyway, didn't He?

And everytime we humble ourselves and admit what a schmuck we are or have been (or are...does it ever stop?) we defeat Satan. We defeat our pridefullness. We give glory to the Father who loves us.

LOVING EVEN ME
I've done some pretty pathetic things in my life. Betrayed myself. Betrayed people. Betrayed God. I know now there is a force that opposes God and seeks to destroy me. It is this one who whispered to me for a long time...we don't need to let people know THAT about you...THAT would be just TOO MUCH INFORMATION...THAT would make them JUDGE you and HATE you. But letting this stuff out is powerful - it is the type of authenticity Jesus called for.

John 10:10 reads "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

The thief kills us by tempting us to hold onto the dirty stuff. The thief robs us of the joy that comes from knowing that God forgives us for (yeah) EVEN THAT.

PRIDE IS POWERFUL, HUMILITY MORE POWERFUL
Pride robs us of much. They say we are most like Satan when we are full of pride and I know this to be true. My own pride has caused my stubbornness, short-sightedness and distancing from God. Pride can accomplish a lot of damage. Even a tiny bit of pride can have a huge impact on a situation. But the pride I hold onto inside myself, the thoughts that no one knows about but me, are probably the most damaging.

Maybe it is jealousy, maybe it is judgement of others, maybe it is a tinge of unforgiveness...pride's potent in the smallest of amounts. Traces of poison over time can kill someone.

Humbling myself before God with all that I'd done and felt was difficult. Even hanging onto a "victim mentality" was poison for me. It blinded me so that I neglected to ask: was I responsible for any of the situations that hurt me. Sometimes, I was. Sometimes, I was just responsible for situations wounding me over and over again because I refused to humble myself and forgive.

THE GOOD STUFF
The best part of my friend's story was the "ending" - gee, I hate to call it that now...like mine, her story is still unfolding. But where she is at today brings glory to God and her faith is inspiring. How good it is to know that God will use every hurt we hand him? How good it is to know that when we're ready, he'll be there to listen?

2008-08-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

Don't Be Reluctant to Show Mercy
by Rick Warren

When people sin, you should forgive and comfort them, so they won't give up in despair. 2 Corinthians 2:7 (CEV)

*** *** *** ***

In real fellowship people experience mercy. Fellowship is a place of grace, where mistakes aren't rubbed in but rubbed out. Fellowship happens when mercy wins over justice.

We all need mercy, because we all stumble and fall and require help getting back on track. We need to offer mercy to each other and be willing to receive it from each other.

You can't have fellowship without forgiveness because bitterness and resentment always destroy fellowship. Sometimes we hurt each other intentionally and sometimes unintentionally, but either way, it takes massive amounts of mercy and grace to create and maintain fellowship.

The Bible says, "You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others" (Colossians 3:13 NLT).

The mercy God shows to us is the motivation for us to show mercy to others. Whenever you're hurt by someone, you have a choice to make: Will I use my energy and emotions for retaliation or for resolution?

You can't do both.

Many people are reluctant to show mercy because they don't understand the difference between trust and forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past. Trust has to do with future behavior.

Forgiveness must be immediate, whether or not a person asks for it. Trust must be rebuilt over time.

Trust requires a track record. If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded by God to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them immediately, and you are not expected to continue allowing them to hurt you. They must prove they have changed over time. The best place to restore trust is within the supportive context of a small group that offers both encouragement and accountability.

© 2008 Purpose Driven Life. All rights reserved.

2008-08-19T15:22:00.000-07:00

Oh my...so much going on...I have (yet again!) neglected blogging.

Life's been so full for me as of late. I was married a little more than a month ago...and leading up to that...my life's circumstances changed dramatically. Looking back, I suppose it would have been nice to have been blogging my way through but it wasn't in the cards.

Today I'm just thinking about YOU. About anyone who is still reading this blog or drops in from time to time. I drop in on your blogs too. I'm grateful for the blogging community which provides each of us with a wealth of people who like to not only read about people like me (!) but on occassion, will give advice, send well-wishes and even pray for me. Thank you, cyber-friends.

Northern California is going well. I am enjoying being married and living with my husband and our sons...yes, my son moved in with us too. So we've got a busy household a few nights a week (some nights, my husband's sons are with their mom). The busyness of the house has helped me from lamenting too long or feeling the anxiety and depression which inevitably follows too much isolation for me. So thank you, Lord. You are GOOD. Continually, abundantly, remarkably GOOD.

LOSSES
I've experienced some profound losses recently. With many of those losses (like the loss of my old small group) the Lord has replaced the emptiness with something new...like my current small group whom I deeply love. Yet one of the losses cannot be replaced and I find myself aching intensely when I think about it.

Without going into too much detail, a friend of mine asked that we part ways after she expressed that I had done some things that hurt her. We never really talked it out...she sent me an email explaining her feelings and declined an invitation to talk on the phone (as we no longer live in the same area).

I remember the last time I called her. It was just to say "hey, I heard this song on the radio...I'm laughing...I want to share with you..." Gee, I want to blog more on the subject but I need to leave it alone...

THINKING BACK...
I was thinking back recently to the time when I first began this blog. My friend encouraged me to write and I found that it was my salvation in my darkest times. Through writing I've learned much. I have something to say. There are people who still want to listen. God loves me so much.

When I started this blog I was leading a small group and oh my goodness those times were hard. I didn't know the first thing about what I was doing and I made so many mistakes. It was like I couldn't help but make mistakes. I met some really wonderful people in my first small group. I know that the Lord put us all together and I still communicate with many of those people.

We were a bunch of people, mostly people who had returned or turned recently to Christ, and we really cared about one another. I used to grow frustrated when people didn't show up or take the study seriously (I took it all far to personally). I used to want everyone's walk to be exactly as my own.

Since then, I've faced issues with my co-dependency, my controlling-nature, my anxiety and fears. And the answers are always always always the same...go to God, take it to God, trust God.

THINK AND SINK
Someone was sharing the story where Jesus asked Peter to get out of the boat and walk on the water...the more Peter began to THINK, the faster Peter began to SINK. For an intense person like me ... writing can SOMETIMES be a huge trap. Too much THINK...too much SINK. So I try not to over-analyze so much. Hmmmm, let me re-state that. I try not to think too much without talking to God about it first because often times, He has the answers. He is just waiting for me to quiet myself down so he can share them with me.

So that's the extent of my blog for now...you know, too much thinking and all...thank you for continuing to read and care...our intersections are gifts from God!!

2008-06-06T08:05:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post here...

I reflected a bit further on the subject of intimacy. Even though I've recognized some patterns that I have, I'm not sure I've completely "crossed-over" when it comes to intimacy. In fact, I'm sure that I haven't but I'm getting there and it feels good.

I think the kind of intimacy I'm talking about is where one enters into a relationship with someone and is willing to withstand and share truth (even if it hurts)and submitting to conflict when necessary. Plainly, these things are very tough for me. With truth, I am often afraid there will come criticism that would wound parts of my already insecure self. With conflict, I'm afraid the relationship will end or be permanently damaged.

This is why getting to know Jesus and understanding our place in Christ is so vital. Since I am in Christ:

I am the salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13)
I am the light of the world (Matthew 5:14)
I am a branch of the true vine, a channel of Christ's life (John 15:1,2)
I am a join heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with Him (Romans 8:17)
I am God's workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)

Wow! I'm a lot of things! A whole new person!

I'm headed this weekend to my first retreat with the study group I've joined at my new church. I'm looking forward to it. Later on this weekend, I will be serving with my church at a local festival. We will be handing out water and offering prayer to the festival attenders. I'm looking forward to serving.

Have a great weekend!

2008-06-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

Full Steam Ahead

37 more days to go and then I am married...

2008-05-28T10:30:00.001-07:00

POURING OUT
In my last post I reflected on my Exodus. My journey. Well, I'm on it to be certain. Yeah, there's been a bit of wandering but there have been revelations as well. I can feel deep changes taking place in my life, my self, my soul. Like a deep tissue soul massage. I've got knots and kinks in my heart and in my thought-life patterns. This extended soul road trip has been desperately needed and I'm praising God today for loving me so much.

Going deeper in my relationships with people is what set off a chain of painful yet healthy events over the past year. Stuff's come up. Stuff's come out. I'm getting to know me and the Lord in a whole new way.

Honey seems tasteless to a person who is full, but even bitter food tastes sweet to the hungry. Proverbs 27:7

2 years after I gave my life to the Lord I began serving on staff at my church. I loved to serve and I loved my church very much. I enjoyed helping others and it gave me a sense of significance that I was longing for. I met so many people and I felt loved by them. I also enjoyed being busy. Quiet and quality time with God was always interrupted. I typically found myself working on my Sabbath. But it's for the church, right? So it's okay. It's for the Lord, right? So this must be what he wants me to do. What baloney.

So whereas I was loved by many people and I felt love from God. I was floating just under the radar when it came to intimacy. Did people know facts about my life? Yes. Did people know what brought me to my knees and then eventually to the Lord? Yes. Did people know what was going on with me when I would grow down and frustrated about life. Errrrh...sort of. Hmmm. Well...not really.

In the past year that I have not served in ministry, I've had the chance to reflect more deeply on what's ailing me and work with a wonderful counselor. It was then I began to see some patterns in my life. I could see that I had issues with intimacy. I put the connection together that this was probably why I had remained single for so long.

Some of the biggest symptoms were that I couldn't successfully handle conflict or criticism. Which is what marriage is all about, right? Seriously, this is the mark of a healthy, strong relationship. This is honesty. This is authenticity. Yeah, it sometimes hurts when someone tells you you suck. But this dialog can contribute to how we grow. In godly relationships, truth is spoken in love. At the foot of the cross I came to some great truths about myself and my past. I also came to understand the depth and breadth of God's vast love.

I avoided conflict at all costs (not too hard to do when you don't choose to delegate anything...you say YES to way too much work then isolate yourself with it even to the point that it's killing you...). Criticism hit me deeply. (after all, a "martyr" doesn't want to hear she sacrificially killed herself for you the wrong way... or to put it another way, no one can bust you on your unhealthy behavior if you're always serving them like a dog, can they?) My behavior was really manipulative now that I think about it.

My name is Danielle
In my life, being a leader was how I received accolades and praise. When I stopped leading, the praise grew dimmer. People criticized me. People criticized my relationship with Radford. Throughout this time, I kept thinking of the meaning of my name, Danielle. It is from Daniel, which means "God is my judge." I kept thinking this over and over and telling myself not to worry about what other people might be thinking. I was living for an audience of one. It was difficult to climb down off my post at church and say that it was going to be all about me, for a time. Well, it was going to be all about me and my relationship with the Lord. Just me and Him. Cleaning up.

Charles Swindoll wrote:

"Hypocrisy permits us to travel both sides of the path--to look righteous but be unholy, to sound pious but be secretly profane. Invariably, those who get trapped in the hypocrisy syndrome find ways to mask their hollow core. The easiest approach is to add more activity, run faster, emphasize an intense, ever-enlarging agenda."

My hypocrisy, my profanity has been that I haven't trusted God with everything and that I was offering my busy life to God instead of my aches and wounds. How hypocritical I was to think that the Great Healer was there for those who hurt worse than I do. How foolish I was to limit the Lord and not take my burdens to him. For my weaknesses and my pains are really my transgressions, the wood plank in my eye.

When I gave my life to Christ, I was transformed in a very dramatic way. A lot of the anxiety I had felt was swept away. Much of my depression was gone. Knowing I was loved by God, that I was no mistake and that God has a purpose for me life was cool clean water to my thirsty soul. And I was a woman who was so broken. Christ's touch was soft and loving. Understanding and saving. But the causes of my anxiety and depression were still within me. I've been dealing with these issues for the past year with Radford's encouragement and the encouragement of my closest friends and mentors. I am learning it is going to take some work to break free from those strongholds. It begins with forgiveness of those who have hurt me. This is where I'm at right now. My prayer is that I can forgive fully and be rid of the hurts. To even get to this place has been tough. I am in the beginning of this process.

Oh Israel, how can you say the LORD does not see your troubles? How can you say God refuses to hear your case? Have you never heard or understood? don't you know that the LORD is an everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or wear. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak. Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up. But those who wait on the LORD will find strength. They will fly high on wings of eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:27-31

One thing that attracts me to my husband to be and to my closest friends is their desire to grow. I connect with them because they also understand there's a freedom in Christ but that we won't get there unless we take some necessary steps to break free from these strongholds. Practically speaking, this involves examining our relationships with people and identifying where things went wrong or where thing are going wrong. And then trusting God to walk with us on the journey of conflict, confrontation and forgiveness.

I want to be strong for the Lord and allow him to strengthen me and direct my life. I believe I am still on that Exodus away from slavery. The promised land lies ahead. Or maybe to the left. Or maybe to the right. Hmmmm...I'm not too sure but I have faith that after I've finished my wandering and fighting these battles, I'll be with him forever. I'm learning too that sometimes in the wandering there is a plan, there is a purpose and even sidesteps can bring us one breath closer to the Lord. He's just cool that way.

2008-05-27T09:47:00.001-07:00

What am I doing here?

I've been in Northern California for close to 3 months now. I'd like to say that the majority of my time has been spent looking for work. But actually, the majority of my time has been spent worrying about finding a job and worrying about my finances.

I do look for work. I've been on several interviews but nothing's panned out yet. Meanwhile, I spend a lot of time in my apartment just thinking...

I'd like to say that "the Lord's got me in this place" but I think instead that "I've got me in this place." And this is just a sick way of thinking. I'm just being honest here with what's going on in my head. This pity-party is what I'm fighting right now.

I battle worry and concern. I'm asking God for guidance. This is supposed to be my Exodus, right? Not the MOVE up here, friends. The exodus of my life, the exodus from my old-self to the new creation I am in Jesus Christ and that means getting away from the slavery of my anxieties and worry. That's what I long to break free of. That's what has kept me bound. That desire to control. That desire to know what's up ahead. Eish, I hate it.

David wrote in Psalm 34:

I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.

I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.

The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.

Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,

keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.

Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;

the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;

he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.

Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.

The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

I have deep issues when it comes to my financial security. It was an issue for me growing up in a single parent home. I won't go into the full story here but I began working at an early age and I've always been determined to provide for myself. But it is the Lord who provides and who will provide for me. The Bible says "the love of money is the root of all evil." I haven't made money my God. I believe my worry over it is what's lording over me at the moment. I ask that the Holy Spirit would help me break free from this worry.

To start on that path to breaking free, I sing His praises. I sing in a loud and somewhat akward tone. I sing with a dry throat and shaky voice but I'm singing and I know, God, you are listening...

Lord, I praise you for this day
for your unending mercy
for being so BIG that I kept running into you
for being so loving that you'd forgive a wretch like me
for calling me to rest
for cancelling my debt
for teaching me what love is and helping me turn from my old ways

Lord, thank you for my blessings
for my fiance' who called to read me an inspirational devotional this morning from his car before he went into work
for my friends who write and ask "how can I pray for you"
for my friends who text message me notes of encouragement
for the chance to become a step mom soon and grow as a woman
for my new church
for all the new people I am meeting and enjoying

Amen

So you might be wondering why I put up a photo of a squirrel eating a pancake. Well, something about it appealed to me. Maybe because squirrels aren't supposed to eat pancakes but the pancake showed up none-the-less. I think that's what I'm waiting for. I'm waiting for the Lord to do something unexpected.

I'm waiting for my pancake.

2008-05-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

COME THIRSTY

I had in mind an idea for a post tonight. It was going to be about "being thirsty" and the "living water" that is Jesus Christ. The theme of being thirsty and desiring a drink from the living water has been in my head a lot lately. I think of how thirsty I am for God. How parched I feel at times. And no matter what I drink, nothing quenches like God.

Jesus answered (to the Samaritan woman who was drawing water at a well...) "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:13-14

This truth sounds so good to me. I believe I can taste that clear clean water in my soul...I believe I have seen enough of life to know what bad water tastes like...I believe I know what a dry, cracked soul feels like...and just knowing this promise exists and is real compels me to speak of it...

I searched for a time for a good photograph. I wanted one that depicted someone who was thirsty or taking a drink of water. When I searched on the word "thirsty" I found a lot of different types of photos. Mostly of dogs or cats drinking. I found a lot of photos of thirsty people drinking beer or soda. There were even quite a few photos of monkeys drinking from fountains.

I found one photo of people at a finish line. I thought, I'd be pretty darn thirsty after finishing a race. Yeah. I believe the "thirsty" tag was appropriate for this photo. I could relate to feeling thirsty at a race.
Actually, I'd be pretty darn thirsty while I was running the race. I'd be the one to stop during the race and take a drink before moving on. I get THAT thirsty. I'm not a very disciplined person. I would probably start the race dehydrated and figure I'd get a drink along the way. I would probably have a hard time even finishing the race because I'd be too busy thinking about how thirsty I was. I suppose that's life for ya. I mean, races.
Then I saw this photo of a cat drinking from the toilet. I appreciated this. My sister's cat used to drink from our toilet. Drinking from a toilet is what I can only describe as "practical yet disgusting." One is thirsty and the toilet is unoccupied and unsecured. It would make sense to some...if you're a cat.

I wonder if a cat believes it is getting away with something when it drinks from a toilet. Much like when cats will try walking across countertops or tables they know they've already been shooed off of.

And then there's always the other reason: to a cat, the water probably tastes fresher because toilets are often flushed more frequently than water bowls are changed.

But still, it's toilet water, right?

So I am thinking more about the living water. I am thinking about where I go when I'm thirsty. What am I drinking? When I'm parched for the living water, why do I sometimes find myself head down into the toilet?

the t.v. toilet
the internet toilet
the radio toilet
the anxiety and fear toilet

John wrote: "and the angel showed me a pure river with the water of life, clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb, coursing down the center of the main street. On each side of the river grew a tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, with a fresh crop each month. The leaves were used for medicine to heal the nations." Revelation 22:1-2

Imagine. Water so pure it feeds the trees of life and from such trees nations are healed. Imagine what it would heal in me.

Lord, tonight I come thirsty.

2008-05-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

JOURNEY

This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrafice to take away our sins. 1 John 4:10

My journey changed once I knew this. I came to realize that it isn't about what I can do for the Lord but what he has already done for me. It was tough for me to comprehend the kind of love that had no requirement other than to accept it. The kind of love I was used to was performanced based. And it was usually me performing.

2008-05-23T01:26:00.000-07:00

LANDSCAPES

Hi Everyone. Well, Hi Anyone. I'm not sure too many people are checking out this blog these days seeing that I have not tended to it in some time. I thought to start a new blog recently when I had the urge to write. I set it up last evening, but it didn't feel quite right. Guess I needed a bit of the old landscape.

The photo above was taken not to far from where I am living now. I moved 2 months ago from Southern California to Northern California. My landscapes have changed.

Here, the beaches are cold but I would say they are more majestic. But you know, different is different. Different isn't necessarily tough but it IS different. I am slowly getting used to my surroundings. I believe it feels like home, yet I do miss my friends. Heaven help me, but I miss Orange County and I suppose, knowing what I'm going to do when I wake up each day.

These days, I'm seeking work. Radford suggested I use this time to write and seek the Lord. He's right. I'm taking a step of faith tonight believing that if I write...just a bit...God will meet me on the journey up what feels like a mountain.

I am not sure what I'm going to write about. I've had some serious writers block this past year. A thought comes to mind...a thought leaves it... It's been this way for a time. I should write from my heart. I'm asking tonight that God would help me to express my heart.

What I can say is that by God's grace I've experienced an even deeper transformation. I believe this past year for me has been a year of tremendous growth and healing albeit sometimes painful.

2007-11-30T23:56:00.000-08:00

HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE

Hi Friends,

Yea - I'm only on Blogger now and then these days...check me out maybe on MYSPACE. Shoot me an email and I'll send you back the address.

MYSPACE - sad, isn't it? But I love it, strange place that it is. Been focusing a lot on my relationship with Radford that we are generally burning up the phone lines in the evenings instead of me sitting at my computer alone, writing.

God is good.

I'm a born-writer - sure. But being in love has had its benefits. We got engaged 2 weeks ago. These photos are of me on the day he proposed. One is of me on the Northern Coast of California. The other, in a Pinot Noir vineyard near his home. Near what will be my home next year. What a trip.

I left ministry (as an on-staff person) at my church last Easter. I didn't blog too much about it at the time feeling highly conflicted in my decision. I focused on weekly counseling, spending more quality time with my father whom I had reconcilled with 2 years ago and spending time with Radford and his sons in Northern California. God blessed every moment of it.

It was really tough to do something for myself and not for others but I can see how spending more "me" time has spilled over into the far corners of my life. I am still madly in love with God but am getting to know Him more intimately. His grace, His awesome power, His love.

So I will be leaving Southern California in 3 months to embark on a new adventure. I'll keep ya'll posted!

Blessings,
Danielle

2007-10-16T21:19:00.000-07:00

I SUCK

Yes. Let's just get this part out of the way. I suck. I stink. I'm a bad bad blogger!

I haven't blogged for some time. In fact, it took me some time to recall my user name and password. I need to make a point of stopping by your blogs to say hello again. I'm still here. I haven't fallen off the face of the earth and I'm okay. THANK YOU for all of your kind words.

WHAT'S BEEN UP WITH ME?
Therapy. A new boyfriend. Extreme joy. And writer's block.

THERAPY
I entered into private counseling for some "house cleaning" and it has been a true blessing. It was time and the Lord lead me to a really terrific counselor who worked with Focus on the Family for more than a decade. Alls been going well but I've hesitated to write because stuff's being churned up and I needed some time away from words.

A NEW BOYFRIEND
I think ya'll got the update before I blogged-off. It's taken some doing to be in a long distance relationship with a man who has three children. I've given them a lot of head space and heart space. God is leading. God is good.

EXTREME JOY
You mean I get to say NO sometimes? Hmmmm. I won't go into this too much. But let's just say that some stuff got peeled back and the Lord has shown Himself to me in great ways. Oh yes, and I went back to Rwanda and I can't wait to return again.

WRITER'S BLOCK
I don't know what to say beneathe this heading.

YOU
Yes, you all who've been reading and following me are truly appreciated. I wonder about each of you from time to time. I am forever grateful for the cyber intersection. Drop me a note and let me know wassup.

In Christ,
Danielle

P.S. more to come...

2007-05-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR MOTHERHOOD

I've fallen out of the discipline of blogging but I longed to post tonight. I want to thank the Lord for my wonderful son, Forrest, and express what it means to me to be celebrating Mother's Day this weekend.

I have a wonderful and talented son who really loves me. I think back to those days when he'd search through his toy box for just the right amount of toys to take into the bathtub with him. Or the times when he'd want me to "throw" him on the bed and pretend I was an evil witch making stew out of him. He was such a fun child to be around and his smiles continue to light my life.

Son, you changed my world 17 years ago and I love you. What a blessing it is to be among women who will be honored this Sunday. Lord, you bless me every day with a terrific son.

2007-04-30T20:50:00.000-07:00

LISTENING...

Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like. --James 1:22-24

Lord, tonight I feel gratitude in my heart.
I was fooling myself and you opened my eyes
I lift up needful hands
On my knees I pray to you
Father, I am listening...

2007-04-12T17:55:00.000-07:00

UPON EVERYTHING A LITTLE RAIN MUST FALL

A rose in the rain is still just as lovely. Sometimes, even more lovely. I know that when we think of roses, we don't imagine rain falling down on them but we accept as a fact of life that upon every living thing, a little rain must fall.

My friend shares her testimony this evening. In the life of this rose, rain fell. For a time in her life, it fell and fell and fell. It nearly swept her away yet for the love and mercy of the Lord.

Father, thank you for this rose. And for the rain. Thank you for making her strong and giving her the means to survive.

God, you are lovely and you are good. Protect your rose tonight as she shares.

2007-04-08T17:46:00.000-07:00

HE IS RISEN INDEED

You said you were coming back, Lord. Thank you for keeping your promise. And I know many who knew you and saw you even then did not believe. But I believe and that belief has changed my life forever.

Happy Easter Everyone! God Bless!

Danielle

2007-03-15T20:07:00.000-07:00

I'M STILL HERE

My goodness, friends. It seems so long since I've blogged. I miss coming here to write and to think. It's been a part of my spiritual life in such a big way.

At the begining of the year I had big plans to slow down. Well, that didn't actually happen. It was my desire to work less at my "regular job" and spend more time in ministry. But it would seem God had other plans and my regular job required more of my time than I had ever bargained for. So I haven't written much lately.

Things are going well with Radford. Although we are in a long-distance relationship, I still feel that he is close to me everyday. He's been very creative with calls, emails and text messages. I am not ashamed to say (and I know he reads my blog now too) that I'm in love.

Things with my son have gone quite well. Since moving back in with his father full time he seems to be more peaceful. The back and forth stuff is finally over for my young man. I never realized how hard this had been for him over the years. I praise God that he had the courage to stand up to me and his father and just say "enough is enough." My son continues doing all the things he loves, diving completely into his graphic and performance arts. I'm so proud of him. God has blessed me so.

And, last but certainly not least...I will be returning to Rwanda again soon. I'm so excited about this. I'd like to ask for all of your prayers that I may blog another 40 Days of Praise before leaving. I just feel that I'd like to do something like this. Pray that I have the time and the energy to launch this. I loved doing it so much last year.

I miss all of you and do read your blogs every chance I get. Yet during this busy season right now, I am not often leaving comments. But know you are in my prayers.

God Bless,
Danielle

2007-02-23T20:43:00.000-08:00

GOODBYE, MY FRIEND

My friend, Carl, passed away last week. I understand that no one had seen him around for a few days and that his truck outside his home had sat for too long and caused some for worry. When they entered his home, they found he'd died.

Carl was the plant-man at one of the contract jobs I had long before I'd started this blog. He'd come to water the plant beside my cubicle and we'd always chat. He was an old surfer dude. Crew cut hair and tanned, leathery skin. He had such a twinkle in his eye and such a sweet smile. He always greeted me with "hello, my friend."

He had worked at a strip club as a bouncer many years ago. He said one of the gals had decided to quit dancing and wanted to go to church to find Jesus. She asked him to come with her. He found Jesus too. : )

I cried for Carl tonight. I cried out to God and thanked Him for calling after my friend's heart. I know Carl is in heaven with the Father who loves him.

Lord, thank you for loving Carl. Thank you for taking him home to be with you. Thank you for giving us a place beyond this life...God, you are loving and good.

I'm going to miss you, my friend. Goodbye.

2007-02-15T04:00:00.000-08:00

FOUNDATION OF HIS GRACE: A LIFE REDEEMED

We thank you, O God!
We give our thanks because you are near.
People everywhere tell of your mighty miracles.

God says, "At the time I have planned,
I will bring justice against the wicked.
When the earth quakes and its people live in turmoil,
I am the one who keeps its foundations firm." Pslam 75:1-3

Lord, this evening I give my thanks to you for I know you are near.

I'm up again at 3am with thoughts running through my head. Mostly, I'm excited about a short trip I'll be taking out of town with my company. I knew that I needed to be up by 5am and I'm suddenly a bit wired and can't sleep at all.

You guessed it. I'm gonna make some tea and write.

I spent time with Radford in the Redwoods this week. He took this beautiful picture of a tree we discovered in the forest. It isn't a Redwood but it grew near to them beneath their tall lovely trunks of red. When I looked up at this tree, I saw the cross. Do you?

GOD IS OUR FOUNDATION
I learned that the life of a Redwood tree can span some 2000 years. How amazing and long-suffering these trees are. They've survived the earth through generations, their roots planted in the rich Northern California soil. And yet, their root system is surprisingly shallow, going only six feet deep, whereas the tree itself can grow up to 370-something feet tall in height. Wow, that's quite a foundation. What trust these roots have in their foundation!

Hmmm. I believe I'd like to be MORE like a Redwood. I'd love to be so bold as to keep my root system light. Forget going deep into what this world offers me...I want to grow UP UP UP...closer to my King. And yet, I'm always tempted into believing other things will create a lasting foundation for me. And this keeps me as a little tree. My growth, stumped by the distractions of life.

Real freedom is in a life fully devoted to Jesus Christ.

When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. He told them: "Take nothing for the journey—no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic. Luke 9:3

NO BAG, NO BREAD, NO MONEY, NO EXTRA CASHMERE SWEATER

Lord, thank you for being my foundation firm
Father, I want to grow up up up towards you
to break through the fog of this world
to grow strong in you
to grow tall in you

God, you are so awesome
Lord, you made the Redwoods
and you made me
with something in mind
and I love you for this

Lord, I can't wait to see where I'll be
in 2000 years
or tomorrow
because I know you'll be with me
watching me grow
tending to me always...

2007-02-12T23:54:00.000-08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

Everyone, this is Radford.

2007-02-10T09:20:00.000-08:00

SOMETHINGS AIN'T EASY TO ADMIT!

I've been tagged by Shenna at Living in Grace to list 6 weird things about me.

Here are the rules: Each player of this game starts with 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end you need to choose 6 people (but like, I just chose 4...)to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "You are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

Okay, so here are my 6 WEIRD THINGS:

1) I downloaded 4 Michael Jackson songs off of iTunes last month and I danced to them in my pyjamas.

2) When I was a kid I wanted to attend college where my mother told me Rod Serling taught (Rod Serling who hosted the old Twilight Zone series...He was intense and hot even in black and white!!!!)

3) I barf a LOT on planes.

4) I won't eat fruit with other foods because I think it is bad food-combining but I never tell anyone this. I just decline when offered because I hate going into what food combining is...

5) I used to be in love with Daryl Hall (oh boy...that admission really hurt! But I was, like, 12 years old!!!)

6) I like to go places alone and sit and talk to God when I feel anxious or sad. I do this more often than others realize. They usually just can't figure out why I'm late to events or can't explain periods of absences.

I'm tagging

TiNA @Cello Girl Talks
Marti @Marti's Musings
Diana @Nightwatch
Kevin @Tounge-tied Lightning

2007-02-07T08:33:00.000-08:00

(Shenna - trying to figure out how to tag you back! I have my post nearly ready to go!)

Hello All,

Happy Week to you! I've been loving God "off-line" for a bit, trying to rest and refresh. I prayed so hard last night, again, I felt my head would burst. God is so good that sometimes, I come to Him with such enthusiasm that I can hardly wait until my prayer is answered.

Last night I prayed for a sign.

I know with great confidence that I'll have it.

The prayer also involves my beautiful friend Janine.

Lord, I come to you with a joyful praising heart!
There is no doubt you are listening!
There is no doubt you are in control!
There is no doubt you will take my burdens!
Your yoke is light! Much lighter than these burdens!
Thank you, Father, for lifting them from us!

Lord, it is so tough sometimes to wait on You
Because your answers are so powerful and so good!

2007-01-27T21:44:00.000-08:00

REST IN HIM

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Gen 2:2

My body resting
Heart rising

Happy Sabbath

2007-01-18T21:22:00.000-08:00

WONDERFUL SO WONDERFUL
IS YOUR UNFAILING LOVE

Forgetting those things that are behind, I press on towards the mark of the high calling. Philippians 3:14

Friends, thank you for your emails and kind comments of late. I've been taking some time out for deeper reflection, to bathe in God's love for me. To basically, come to some hard conclusions about my life and surrender to my gentle, gentle Lord.

True confession:I often write from a place that desires to control.

The anxiety.
The voices in my head.
The complexity of being human in a broken world.
The complexity of my own ego.

My addiction to self-reason has come at the cost of a deeper relationship with the King of my heart.

But that is not to say that I am doing this all the time that I write. I am implying there is a balance here. My desire to write and ability to do so is a gift from God. I realize more and more that it is His desire that I use this gift for His glory, not to the detriment of my own burning desire to heal from the on again/off again anxieties that seek to control and have nearly ruined my life.

And I hope I am not hitting any sensitive spots here with other writers...friends, I Iove to read your blogs. Your love-letters to God and self-expressions.

This is more about me.
Well, this is more about HIM.

GOD OF RESTORATION, REDEMPTION, FORGIVENESS
So I needed time to refresh in the Holy Spirit before proceeding with anymore posts. And in my desire to kick this post off tonight, I wanted to share these photos with you.

These are photos of whom I love.

These are photos of whom God loves and has graciously gifted to me. Their love for me in hand with the Lord's has brought me to this place of deeper surrender.

But when the time arrived that was set by God the Father, God sent his Son, born among us of a woman, born under the conditions of the law so that he might redeem those of us who have been kidnapped by the law. Thus we have been set free to experience our rightful heritage. You can tell for sure that you are now fully adopted as his own children because God sent the Spirit of his Son into our lives crying out, "Papa! Father!" Doesn't that privilege of intimate conversation with God make it plain that you are not a slave, but a child? And if you are a child, you're also an heir, with complete access to the inheritance. Galatians 4:4-7

...born under the conditions of the law so that he might redeem those of us who have been kidnapped by the law.

I was kidnapped at an early age. Whatever sweetness existed in me was replaced with a great amount of responsibility for which I had no control over. Subsequently, I have moved through life without a clear understanding of boundaries or how much weight I could actually withstand.

Yeah. I just sorta "pile it on."

I was joking with TiNA last week that 2006 was the year of "Whatever it takes, Lord!" but that 2007 was gonna be the year of "Say What!?"

Because, you know, we all get a charge out of being used by God and watching our ministries and personal relationships develop due to the watering and weeding we put into them. And that's okay.

But like, who gardens at night? When the sun drops, isn't is time to rest? To renew?

How much weight tonight can you withstand? And how long can you go in your relationships. Ministry-related, work-related, intimately-related or otherwise until you break?

...Doesn't that privilege of intimate conversation with God make it plain that you are not a slave, but a child? And if you are a child, you're also an heir, with complete access to the inheritance.

I am not a slave and yet I've been imprisoned to a certain degree by my ego, my desire to help others before helping myself because in that co-dependency, I have found self-worth and a reason to ignore that I needed to tend to my own hurts. Yet I want to be CLEAR here. I serve out of my love for God. I OVERSERVE and NEGLECT REST and SABBATH because I am not allowing God to bathe me.

It's 2007 and time for me to embrace God's promises, His grace and the child in me whom He loves and desires to tend to.

The question for me was always: Will I Allow Him?

Will I allow Him?
Will I risk?
Will I let go? Step back. Step away.

I PRESS ON TOWARDS THE HIGHER MARK
I resigned from my current project last week and have reduced my working hours to 20 per week. I'm going to rent out the empty rooms in my house to make up for the loss of income. This week I will attend a program at my church to address some of my deeper wounds. I am going to fall freely into my calling to help build the Single Parent Family Ministry at my church for God's glory. And I'm going to take Sabbath each week (which I have actually been trying to do for the last 4 months and although I don't have a perfect track record, I've been doing it and it feels wonderful!)

...oh yeah, and I'm gonna get a FREAKING HOBBY outside of Blogging! : )

Friends, keep me in prayer. I have heard clearly some of the plans God has for me. In this season of personal renewal, I am surrendering to those plans and allowing God to tend to me as He has desired.

Praise God! I am no longer a slave!

Egypt is behind me.

Bring on the wilderness.

2007-01-14T21:08:00.000-08:00

I WAS MADE TO LOVE YOU

My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God IS love--so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him...If God love us like this, we cerainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us--perfect love! --1 John 4:7-9, 11-12 The Message Translation

2007-01-04T20:07:00.000-08:00

BATHED IN YOU

Lord, how could I have stood and looked for so long yet not seen you?

How could I have glared and peered and furrowed my brows to witness and missed it entirely?

How could I have read words you breathed life into and still not understood?

Why have I spent the last year trying to out-serve you? When your desire is to serve me? You are the shepherd. I need YOU to help me find my way. I need to allow you to care for me FIRST so that I may turn and care for others. I have to come clean and say tonight...I am tired, Lord. I am so very tired.

Why have I spent the last year thinking growing closer to you meant I had to constantly be doing something, serving someone, supporting someone?

I don't have to do anything.
I don't have to serve someone to feel you.
I don't have to run myself ragged. I don't have to check off every box, dot every i, cross every t. I don't have to be strong although you made me strong. I can be weak. I can weep. I can wail. I can cry and embrace. I can fall to my knees and know...

You
Are
God

You
Are
Mighty

You
Are
Divine

and
I am Danielle
sinner

I need to sit still. To allow you to bathe me. But I am so stubborn-hearted. Let ME do it, Lord! Let ME wash myself.

What am I nuts? I think I darn near turned over the washbin!

"No," Peter protested,"you will never wash my feet!"
Jesus replied, "but if I don't wash you, you won't belong to me." John 13:8

In 2007
I will be bathed
I will be blessed
I will breathe
I will be a part of your love story

Who's with me?

2007-01-03T22:03:00.000-08:00

"Don't be upset, and don't let all these doubting questions take over. Look at my hands; look at my feet--it's really me. Touch me. Look me over from head to toe. A ghost doesn't have muscle and bone like this. " As he said this, he showed them his hands and feet. --Luke 24:38-40 (The Message)

Lord, I am singing out loud tonight
You have shown yourself to me
You have gifted me with your ever-presence in my life
Your wounds of truth
Your wounds taking over my doubts
Delivering me

I have seen the Lord tonight
I have seen his reflection bright
in those I love
I have felt his wounds of truth
deeply in my heart
I have looked him over from head to toe
and I see brilliance
and I see promises revealed

2007-01-01T16:26:00.000-08:00

MANCHESTER AIN'T HOME

Hey Everyone,

Happy 2007. My son and I just arrived home from Manchester. We were in England visiting my sister for the holidays. I hope you and yours had a wonderful holiday!

We stayed in Manchester the last 3 nights. It was good fun and a chance for my son and I to spend some one on one time together.

I'm pretty dern excited about 2007. There is something about a "new year" that gets me going. 2006 was awesome and so blessed. Here is my top 10 list of blessings for 2006.

1) My son came to live with me full time (hey, it doesn't matter that he's back at his dad's...this was STILL by far the most awesome thing to happen to me in 2006 and it is at the top of my list!!)
2) I went on staff at my church. : ) Thank you, Lord!
3) I traveled to Rwanda on a mission of P.E.A.C.E. with some awesome Christian sisters of mine!
4) I got to see my sister TWICE in England this year!! God, you are GOOD!
5) My relationship with my father was incredibly strengthened!
6) I began a new contract and made some very awesome new friends!
7) I stopped leading a small group - Lord, THANK YOU for this well-needed rest
8) My blog gained the attention of lots of cool new readers and I made some terrific blogger buddies!!!
9) I began (and finished) 40 Days of Praise for our awesome Lord!
10) I gave my testimony in public

Father-God, you are AWESOME!! Thank you for making 2006 the best year EVER!!

What's at the top of YOUR list for 2006 Blessings??

2006-12-16T14:37:00.000-08:00

AN OPEN INVITATION TO PEACE

Merry Christmas Everyone.

Lord, I feel Your presence
In these days the Birth is shared
I lift to you, my gratitude for your son, Jesus

2006-12-13T22:55:00.000-08:00

CHARIOT RACING TOWARDS MY HEART

What did it feel like when you first spoke to God and actually KNEW in your heart He was listening?

Stubborn heart of mine
But you were wise
And you pursued me with intentions
Never letting go

I was just a child
Woman of 30
Your hand upon my heart
Forgiving me

Sweet shelter
In You
Sweet shelter
Sweet Lord

Stubborn heart entwined
In so many things that hurt
Yet you pursed me, so relentless
Never letting go

I was just a child
Woman of 30
Your hand upon my life
Restoring me

2006-12-05T20:54:00.000-08:00

TRUTH LASTS

Lies are here today, gone tomorrow. Proverbs 12:19

You can't chant your way into heaven
You can't buy or book your time
God is here now
Call him on his dime

You can't burn a stick
of fragrance sweet
to fill your heart with love
to find your way to peace

2006-12-05T20:37:00.000-08:00

SOLACE

diving into you
beneath the earth tonight
deeper deeper deeper still
my love, my lord, my life

2006-12-04T20:12:00.000-08:00

ONE YEAR OF UNFAILING LOVE

Friends, it has been one year since I began my blog.

What a year it has been. I want to thank the following peeps:

Tabitha - for encouraging me to start this blog
BJK & Kevin - for being my first readers
Whitey - for redesigning my blog look a few months back
The rest of you - God bless you for coming back here again and again

Your comments have provided me with great encouragement. I have enjoyed the great depth to which each of you has shared your life with me here in cyber-land!

Blessings,
Danielle

2006-12-03T06:54:00.000-08:00

JUMP

We're entering a season of greatness.

Know you are loved. Know you are forgiven. Understand, to the depths that you are most able, that God's grace is sufficient.

...to the depths that you are most able...

...because we can SAY we understand.

...but can we ACT like it? Can we live the anointed life God has gifted us?

In 2007, are you ready to Jump?

For the last few months, I've been asking myself the same question.

There's trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them. Popularity contests are not truth contests--look at how many scoundrel preachers where approved by your ancestors! Your task is to be true, not popular."--Luke 6:26

Your task is to be true, not popular.

MY task is to be true, not popular.

There have been a few obstacles lately...distractions...things that SUCK (can I just say this?). But I'm not backing down.

God's love is never-ending, far-reaching, all-encompassing.

This is love.

2006-11-25T08:32:00.000-08:00

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THANG

Pie and coffee for b'fast this morning.

Because I can!
Because I can!
Because I can!

Lord, I'm praising you for my singleness this morning. I thank you for this pie. I thank you for the hands that brought this pie to me because she knew I didn't get any on Thanksgiving! I thank you for my team with whom I dined last evening.

Father, I lift to you today: myself. I give you: me.

And I thank you for being the God of Restoration, Fresh Starts, Sunsets and Sunrises.

Trust [God] absolutely, people; lay your lives on the line for him. Psalm 62:8

2006-11-23T21:39:00.000-08:00

GIVE THANKS

I am very thankful for all that God has blessed me with. Who knew?

Lord, I'm thankful:

1. That I know my Savior
2. That I will not go to bed hungry, nor will those I love
3. That some totally awesome women came into my life this past year
4. For clean air and clean water to drink
5. For Blogger : )

What are you thankful for?

2006-11-20T21:33:00.000-08:00

THIS LIFE EXTRAORDINARY

Lord, only you take my breath away.

Tonight I'm thinking of my son. Remembering back to days when he was small. I still can see him playing in the ocean. I can hear his giggles in the waves. I can see him wiggling to get away from me while I tried to get suntan lotion onto his body as fast as I could.

Life is good. It's sometimes a little tough. But overall, I'd say it's gorgeous even in my toughest moments. It's all because I know I have a savior. It's because I have Jesus in my heart.

In your toughest moments, what memories remind you God is gracious?

2006-11-19T19:54:00.000-08:00

PRAYERFUL INTO YOU

lonely breath
envelop
You

lonely days
me
collapsing

into You

i can't see
i can't see

my spirits deflate
and lift

deflate

and lift again

weary soul
seeking
You

why did you draw me near?
what parts of me do You want?
what parts are to be discarded?
which retrieved?

He asked me, "Son of man, can these bones live?"
I said, "O Sovereign LORD, you alone know."

Then he said to me, "Prophesy to these bones and say to them, 'Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life." Ezekiel 37:3-5

You're asking only that I believe
help me, I want to believe

2006-11-12T08:24:00.000-08:00

Each reaching and aspiration is an instinct with which all nature consists and cooperates and therefore it is not in vain. But alas! each relaxing and desperation is an instinct too. Thoreau On Man & Nature

Friends, I look back on my last few posts. In my mind, I think, "stuff's just going nowhere..."

It isn't writer's block as much as it is me drawing in a deep breath and doing some thinking and a lot of praying. The last few months were pretty hectic for me. I have felt hugely underappreciated in some very personal areas of my life. I feel very second-hand lately. I feel like someone's last thought. My patience with others is thin. I am fearful to write because I sound pretty sour grapes right now.

From deep within my heart, I've been reaching...my aspirations hugely instinctive. My desperation an instinct too. Thank you Henry D.

I suppose that's why there is God. Because I certainly can't go through this alone.

WAVES
Waves; ebbing and flowing. Trust turning to mistrust. Comfort to discomfort. And yet, mistrust in some areas has turned to trust. Discomfort to comfort. I am not so blind that I don't see.

"God is fair and just;
He corrects the misdirected,
Sends them in the right direction."--Psalm 25:8

"Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails." --Psalm 51:12

HIS SHOULDERS NOT MINE
I am not as strong as some would suppose. My intellect, my heart, my ability to listen and comfort...it feels lately like it's been sucked dry. I feel resentment. I holdfast to the Lord. I seek the Cross. Father, why am I still so distraught in my heart? I try to remind myself - place these burdens on the Lord - my shoulders are too weak.

It's a season, some say.
It's a phase.
These are attacks.

Is God on the move again in my life? I'm venturing to say yes. And tough as this is for me right now, prayers are being answered right now. And while some of the bad fruit falls from the shaking tree, I've only to hang on. Hang tight to God.

"When life gets really difficult,
don't jump to the conclusion that
God isn't on the job.
Instead, be glad that you are in
the very thick of what Christ experienced.
This is a spiritual refining process,
with glory just around the corner." --1 Peter 4:12-13

Then, hey, hallelujah and amen. I feel the tides changing.

I know Jesus hurt too. This comforts me.

I just gotta ask tonight, do you think he said ouch?

2006-11-06T21:37:00.000-08:00

I'M ON A BREAK BUT I'M NOT GONE FOREVER!

Enjoy this and I'll see you in a week or so...

2006-11-03T19:24:00.000-08:00

UNCERTAINTY

I have some thinking to do. I'm not sure I feel like posting what I'm feeling at this moment. I will be reading your blogs as I enjoy encouraging you as you have encouraged me. I would like to gracefully take a break for a bit.

In Christ,
Danielle

2006-10-25T21:27:00.000-07:00

100 Confessions - Food

I just got this idea from Shenna...

1) I used to break the heads off of my chocolate Easter Bunnies and dip them in Peanut Butter
2) I very frequently stole my younger sister's Halloween Candy and then lied about it
3) I have eaten fish eyeballs...
4) ...and I think they're not-so-bad
5) I have not eaten red meat, pork or chicken for 14 years
6) I make killer enchiladas
7) I eat Oreos by opening them up and eating the cream center first...
8) ...sometimes I throw the Oreo cookie part away entirely
9) I like extra butter on my movie popcorn
10) I prefer dry roasted peanuts to honey roasted
11) I can't stop eating Chex Mix once I start
12) I love Indian food
13) I love Thai food
14) I love Japanese food (I am not referring to just sushi)
15) My grandma's favorite dish of mine was baked tomatoes with bread crumbs and cinnamon
16) I am addicted to carbs
17) My favorite fast food is probably Taco Bell, but I don't lie that it is pretty disgusting and bad for me
18) Sardines in olive oil are pretty good on white toast
20) I miss drinking wine
21) I love Mexican food (Sonora style is my most favorite, Baja style second favorite)
22) I was naive and thought Costa Rican food would taste like Mexican food
23) I saw Vin Disel in L.A. when I first went for Dim Sum
24) If I had my own restaurant it would be a diner and open all night
25) I don't know how to BBQ
26) ...I can't say that I am interested in learning how to BBQ which is odd because I do like learning new things
27) Janine's banana cake is the best banana-anything I have ever eaten
28) I am very picky about tomatoes but that is because I love them so
29) I like the lip gloss that smells like cola - because I really like cola - Diet Coke, most notably
30) I spent 6 years attending the local Hare Krishna temple each week because they had the most killer vegetarian food around
31) I used to hang out in another vegetarian restaurant led by fanatical Buddhists whose spiritual leader was a woman and they had televisions all around showing her giving speeches or modeling in fashion shows. She was very much like a revered ,Chinese Oprah. The food was absolutely amazing.
32) When I walked home from school as a kid, I ate berries from the neighbor’s bushes.
33) My sister did too.
34) I love homemade soup.
35) I still miss Tom’s cooking.
36) I am looking forward to my brother in law’s cooking this Christmas
37) Right now, I have a See’s Candies catalog in my bathroom that I’ve been browsing through for a week now (this was hard to admit...)
38) I love well-made cheesecake
39) I am excited by flambe dishes
40) I don’t cook to relax, I go out
41) I have three kinds of ice cream in my freeze at the moment: pumpkin, strawberry, mint oreo cookie
42) My favorite ice cream is currently Haagen Dazs Strawberry Cheesecake, only sold in their stores
43) I used to work in a Mexican Restaurant. I never ate the food there.
44) My favorite classy restaurant is French, very tiny and very secluded.
45) When I get upset, I loose my appetite
46) My mom dated a lot when I was a kid. She always brought half her dinner home for me and my sister.
47) My mom was broke when I was a kid and always shopped very carefully for food.
48) My mom made me a pink cake when I turned 11
49) My mom made the most killer jello
50) I make pretty killer jello now, according to my son
51) One day I will make dinner for my husband
52) One day I will make desert for my husband
53) If I don’t have coffee in the mornings, I get cranky even though I really don’t mean to
54) My grandfather loved to take me for clam chowder down by the ocean when I was a kid
55) I am glad that I really loved Sushi after I first tried it
56) I don’t watch television - ever - but when I did a few years back, I liked Food Network because everyone was happy
57) My friends in Rwanda fed me as though I were a queen. I felt so blessed, so honored.
58) Chips and salsa are to be shared with friends.
59) I used to eat out of the neighbor’s trash cans when I was a kid - not because my mother didn’t feed me but because I was terribly curious
60) I don’t like fruit for desert
61) I am really looking forward to spending Thanksgiving this year at my church helping host a dinner for single parent families
62) I’m kinda getting sick of pizza
63) Even though I don’t eat meat, I really like the taste of BBQ sauce
64) When I meet Jesus, I’m going to ask how he fed a crowd of 5000 with a kid’s lunch
65) I will not go to bed hungry tonight, but many will
66) It bothers me when people say EXPRESSO
67) My sister makes a seriously mean cup of tea
68) Canters in L.A. is one of my favorite restaurants of all time
69) I have eaten in one of Emeril Lagasse’s restaurants - it was okay
70) Vegetarian chorizo is worth trying once
71) Don’t tell me tofu dogs don’t taste like hot dogs, like DUH!
72) TiNA never cooked for me when she lived here
73) TiNA cooked for me last weekend before church and it was quite tasty
74) I always liked how Wallace and Gromit were passionate about cheese
75) Nothing replaces pie and hot coffee at 3am
76) I make good fried eggs
77) If you don’t serve bread with my grandpa’s meal, he gets sad
78) I used to make homemade peach cobbler with the peaches from the branches of my neighbor’s tree that came into my yard
79) I ate lunch in a restaurant alone today...
80) ...I didn’t mind
81) I believe there is something odd about Americans who freeze part of their wedding cake and then eat it a year later...I don’t mean to offend people when I say this...but am I the only person who thinks this is gross?
82) British Pub food is not so good
83) When my son was small, we ate at a small bistro in Paris and they treated us so well because my son kept exclaiming the food was so delicious. I will never forget those kind people.
84) I used to write a lot of poetry about pancakes
85) Grilled cheese sandwiches bring back some tough memories - but I can't say why
86) No one cuts your sandwhich into triangles unless they love you
87) When you are eating and then you close your mouth and kiss someone with food still in it, you are showing them how joyful your love is for them. It shows you must express your love IN THAT MOMENT! This works well with Italian food.
88) Vegas buffets are over-rated
89) Fresh lime juice is better than bottled
90) Thai mango and sticky rice is to die for
91) When I worked at Baskin Robbins, I got in trouble for making chocolate clown cones with fudge dreadlocks.
92) I taught my son to eat ice cream straight from the container
93) I love any kind of olive
94) Nothing replaces Denny’s
95) My son and I pray together at every meal we share
96) If I feel prayer over food will make others uncomfortable, I toast to God...I hope God understands why I do this. I believe in my heart He does.
97) I like punch but it gives me headaches
98) Steamed clams and oysters with Tabasco take me away...
99) I never say no to a donut
100) When I can’t sleep, I drink hot tea...and I write.

2006-10-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

FREE HUGS

I loved this...enjoy!

2006-10-18T22:42:00.000-07:00

MAKE NO MISTAKE

God is here now.

I took these photos from my car over the weekend. Yes friends, it's true...Southern California isn't always glamorous.

Tonight, I am remembering that sometimes, neither am I.

But HE is.

I reflect upon the contrast of God's sky and man's buildings and roads.

Even if only to glimpse of God from the corner of my eye, it would be enough. Tonight, I pray He would not hide His face from me.

2006-10-15T15:29:00.000-07:00

THIS POST IS FOR YOU, DIANA

I feel like running away to Baja, Mexico today. The weather is turning a bit cooler...actually, it looks like it might rain today, and I need a break from Southern California. If I got into my car now, I'd be there by dinner. These thoughts are going around in my head.

I'm suffering for oysters. I'm suffering for a nighttime coffee and looking out over a busy street. I have spent some of the best moments of my lifetime in Mexico. Something about that place...it is a part of me.

Well, tomorrow is Monday and back to work for me. But I think I'm going to pretend I'll get a break soon and be able to go down to Baja and spend a couple days there...(sigh) maybe it could happen...just gotta make some time...

2006-10-14T02:23:00.000-07:00

FIREWORKS

It's 2am here in California and I can't sleep. Okay, let me back up and say that I fell asleep...but then I woke up at 1am.

This is the best part about being single. You do whatever you want.

For example, sometimes I fall asleep in my living room. My old roommate used to ask me why I did that.

Because I can.

I really never had any other reason than that.

It's 2am and eggs with avocados and pomegranate tea sound good to me. It's 2am and Modern British Poetry and the Black Eyed Peas sound good too. It's 2am and there are now clothes in the dryer. It's 2am and I'm a child of God loving Him tonight. Errh, this morning. Errh, whatever...

It's 2am and somewhere, I imagine...

...fireworks are going off.

2006-10-11T20:10:00.000-07:00

JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT

It's a difficult concept for some to comprehend. Tonight, I'm grateful I finally got it. More than 10 years running and then another 2 years just listening.

How long did it take YOU?

2006-10-08T20:03:00.000-07:00

LORD, ALL MY DESIRE IS BEFORE YOU;

And my sighing is not hidden from YOU. --Psalm 38:9

I gave my testimony for the first time yesterday (to an English speaking audience). I recall sharing my story in Rwanda but there was the whole element of "they probably don't understand much of what I'm saying..." that helped calm my nerves.

I'm just being real here.

On the lines of being real, I want to share that yesterday was one long haze for me. I did not prepare for my testimony. I stepped outside the room of women about 10 minutes after the singing began. I had brought my notebook with me. I rested it on a cement pillar outside the church, near the children's center and I just prayed and began to write.

Then I ripped out the first page. And I began to write again. I did a bullet point sort of outline and took it back inside...but after speaking less than a minute, I ended up shutting the notebook and just talked.

Speaking to the women's group in the morning took courage. I was very touched by the women who came later to say they were helped by my story. But what happened later on in the day still has me in a bit of shock.

Friends, my pastor asked me to share again last night during the Singles Service. I won't give the details but I was up in front of a few hundred people and I was belting it out again...the most painful, vulnerable details of my life.

Last night, I gave Satan my middle finger. I'd had enough of the tricks he'd used my whole life to isolate me, to keep me from being real with anyone because I know God has a plan for me and I can't keep pretending I can't hear His call to speak up, to speak out, to open up, to reach out. It's time to openly give glory to God for healing me.

ANSWERS TO MORE PRAYERS
My son and I spoke this evening. He continues to be so torn up because he's going back and forth between my house and his father's. I sat my boy down and proceeded to share my testimony very openly with him as well. I told him that I know it hurts and I'm so sorry it hurts. I told him that I never regretted having him. And I apologized for all the mistakes I made. And I apologized that I was so broken for so long and wasn't a proper mother when I should have been. And I stroked the curls on his teenage head and told him I loved him more than anything in this world. I told him I could handle it if he moved back to his father's. I know he doesn't want this but he can't keep living in two homes.

Lord, I am yours tonight
Take all of me
I am not sure what's next
But there is no fear in me tonight
Only awe

Every step I take, I take with You
Keep my son close to You
I take these risks
because I believe in You

I am truly free...

Tonight, all my desires are before the Lord but I can't help but sigh, because I believe what I shared this weekend is going to change my life.

2006-10-06T21:19:00.000-07:00

JUST HAVING SOME FUN

2006-10-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

ROCKY MOUNTAINS

Next weekend I will be giving my testimony for the first time at my church. This is a big step for me.

I spent some time with a pastor last week and the woman organizing the event to talk about my life and seek guidance on what I should share. Their answer was simple: share whatever the Spirit leads you to share.

I think the parts of my life where I screwed up are easy to tell. That's probably because I am the kind of person who has always been hard on herself. I mean, it is just like me to say: don't do the stupid things I did. But it isn't so easy to open up the parts of my life where I felt I was victimized or manipulated. Some pain in life is unavoidable. And I still feel a bit tender-hearted over some things.

I find, that even after surrendering my life to the Lord and after a couple years of private counseling, I still beat myself up for things I didn't have any control over. I am still a victim sometimes in my mind.

I'm not sure WHY I feel this way. Sometimes, I feel really strong...sometimes, not so strong. It all comes rushing back to me.

Friends, there have been mountains in my life. I suppose a few are still out there for me to climb. But I face them with the strength of my Redeemer. Lord, tonight I'm loving you...I'm holding onto you.

Father, all that I am I owe to you
My mind, my heart, my soul, my strength
All of it belongs to you
All of it remains healthy because of you

For you redeemed me
You paid the price for me
And I love you
I am so grateful for You

Lord, I see the mountains
those behind me
those before me
And I am no longer afraid

And I know it's gonna take more work
For me to be okay
I just ask that you bring me what I need
Or whom I need

Lord, I want things to be okay inside me
I wish I could shake some stuff off
But you know why it isn't going to be that easy
So I'm giving this to you

Father, no one but you can make it right
For the Holy Spirit gives me strength
And your love gives me momentum
To take my healing higher

2006-09-30T12:06:00.000-07:00

little girl
i see
your

breathless heart
taking flight

the skies are wide open

little girl
woman
now

no mountain's your match

2006-09-28T21:12:00.000-07:00

UNFAILING LOVE

Frauds
Fakes
They left me a wreck
Those lies I told myself
Those guys I want to forget

Forging ahead
Wondering for what
emotions are meant
no straight lines to love
only passions bent

Frauds only drain
complain
pretty girl
heart stained
thunder in my heart
each day more rain

Forging ahead
when part of me was dead
wondering for what,
emotions are meant

Enter your light
a love that didn't
patronize
Your great gift to me
and now I realize
i once was blind
but now I see

'cause if everyone knows so much
why are so many traveling away
from who they really are?
oppressed
depressed
distressed
stressed
a mess

'cause if everyone knows so much
why are they sticking it to themselves
every single day?
oppressed
depressed
distressed
lonely, at best
a mess

protector of my heart
lover,
you gave yourself for me
but I didn't see
until I gave up the fight

'cause if everyone knows so much
then even fools can see
what you mean to me
my life
my gift to thee
and I'm not backing down
just because I can't see
with my eyes
what my heart believes

2006-09-21T19:55:00.000-07:00

LET'S SEE...A STAND UP COMEDIAN, A MINISTER OR A WRITER

This post is inspired by an email Gina sent around about a week ago. It was one of those emails where you answer questions so people can get to know a bit more about you. One of the questions went something like, "when you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?" I wanted to be many things. What sticks out most in my mind is that I wanted to be a comedian, a minister (inspired by my grandfather) and a writer.

Just wondering what YOU wanted to be. And if you like, let me know what you are doing now.

Please comment!

2006-09-18T21:45:00.000-07:00

PURITY

Your road led through the sea,
your pathway through the mighty waters--
a pathway no one knew was there! Ps. 77:19

Kind King,
love of my life
your road lead through my sea
where waters raged and swept
the very best part of me

When I called
your Spirit came near
circling me in my waters of despair
lifting the weight of my loneliness
with your gentle tides

Lover of my soul,
Great Mystery,
you saved me from waters deep within
where I was once tied to deadwood
with my shame, my sin

and now the bluest skies seem nearly here
for in my soul, your heaven's near

2006-09-17T00:56:00.000-07:00

HAVE A COKE AND A SMILE...

God made us plain and simple but we have made ourselves very complicated. Eccl. 7:29

You know, my posts have dwindled. Time for myself and connecting with others has been short-changed somehow. I'm not gonna lie. I'm very tired tonight as I write.

I have been quite exhausted in the recent weeks. 12 hour days and time in the office on weekends. All this hit just as I was hired onboard for a small part time position with my church. I do believe, however, this is a season. I hang in there. I keep focused on the Lord. The upside of my exhaustion is that I am not currently asking "what's next" - which often seems a constant lament. Right now, I don't wanna know what's next. "Next" somehow equates in my mind to "more" and "more" I do not want at the moment.

God made us plain and simple...

I love to write. It is one gift the Father graciously bestowed me. Tonight, just writing a little bit, etching out something, feels precious to me.

...but we have made ourselves very complicated...

Such profound words from Solomon who once tried to find fulfillment apart from God. I recently wondered if the absence of enough time has somehow been caused by the infliction of a multitude of tasks now present in my life which seem to stand apart from God.

which seem to stand apart from God... and yet no task stands apart from God as He is in all things.

So there I go, making things complicated.

I imagine some birds build nests more swiftly than others. I mean, it's all about how quickly one can find the threads, the twigs, the cotton...sometimes predators lie in wait...sometimes eggs need to be nurtured and nestled. Some seasons lend themselves to swift solutions, others do not, but the tasks overall remain the same. The plain and simple truth is that God is in all things, including the seasons in life that seem to slow us to a grinding halt.

I take time this evening to reflect upon how complicated I've made my life...I rest in the promise that God's ways are plain and simple, His yoke is easy, His burden is light. How heavy my own self-induced burdens seem to me...the burden of perfection, the burden of over-willingness and ambition.

Tonight, I praise God for He has bound me to Him and lies within the intimacy of every task and toil in my life. Plain and simple.

With a deep breath,
I let it out
...asking You to take hold of all places in my life...
With a deeper breath,
I let this go
...submitting to Your nature, giving up my own

For You have made me plain and simple
and I really appreciate that
even though one might not ever know it from my actions

For You have made the nest,
the twig, the task, the thunder
Wonderful You
Flawless You

For You have made the seasons
and the signs,
the rain that washes life into inordinate brilliance

And it's me, who's made things complicated
Me, mercurial and human
humbly repenting for my arrogance...
asking for forgiveness...

With a deep breath,
I let it out
I let You in
Moving through this season of triumph
...holding onto You, holding onto me...

2006-09-10T13:09:00.000-07:00

GUESS WHERE HE GETS HIS TALENT?

When I returned home from Rwanda my son, Forrest, shared with me that he'd been working on some t-shirt graphics while I was away. He's sold a few of them to a company that prints Christian tees. Proud mom that I am, I wanted to post some of his designs on my site. I snagged these from his webpage. I don't think he'd mind. He says it's okay as long as I give him credit.

You mean, I can't take credit as his creative mom?

Don't answer.

Thank you all for your continued prayers for me and Forrest. Blessings to you on the gorgeous Sunday.

In Christ,
Danielle

2006-09-05T22:55:00.000-07:00

HERE'S TO LOVING YOU, TiNA

I have offered thanks before for good friends. This gal, however, is a gem and today she basically talked me out of near tears. I'm not gonna delve into the subject other than to say it was NOT related to my health or my family (praise God).

There is something quite significant about TiNA. And I have to laugh because she insists on spelling her name "T-i-N-A." I asked her why once and she said that it wasn't about the capital T or N or A. It was all about the lower case "i" - meaning it's not all about "i" --- hmmmm. Food for thought to be certain.

I posted some cool pics here of TiNA while we were in Rwanda. At one point, the Pastor asked us to step up and sing in front of the congregation. TiNA not only belted out a pitch-perfect solo of "Trust God" acapella, she went on to pick up an electric guitar (connected to an amp powered by a car battery) and strummed some more fresh godly jams. Heads turned, jaws dropped and kids stared in awe as Janine, Gina and myself sat back and thought...how on earth are we gonna top THAT! It was truly truly a gas!

So I want to thank my friend this evening for trusting me with her own concerns as well as listening to mine of recent. The great thing about a small group is that we "truly do life together"...this is what Jesus taught us. I may not be rolling with Peter or John but TiNA certainly ROCKS in my book!

Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Commit to the Lord in whatever you do
and your plans will succeed
Pray Lord I'm available to you
Here I am, Lord use me
Here I am, Lord use me...

2006-09-04T23:26:00.000-07:00

TAKE THE TIME TO BE OKAY
Typically, I don't post too many personal photos. I tend to grab them from the Internet. But as I have tons of pictures from my trip, I hope you won't mind me working with these for a while.

To be honest, I spend a lot of time looking at them. I have been gazing over and over them. Psalms come to mind, Paul's letters come to mind, the gospels ring in my head and heart. What an honor it is to be loved by God.

It was official last week. I'm now on staff with my church. Part time, that is. I am going to be serving in the Single Parent Ministry. I don't know what to say about being a single parent other than it's tough. It's tough but God has blessed me with a really wonderful son.

I am up late tonight blogging. My son starts school tomorrow but he went back over to his father's house. I could tell he wasn't too crazy about leaving. I could tell he felt guilty as well as conflicted. It isn't fair to him that he shares time between our homes. I am often at a loss as what to do. I have told him that he could go back to living with his father full time but it isn't what he wants. I tell him I will support him living with me full time but he cannot express his desires to his father. Sometimes, when my son is here, I hear him on the phone with his dad, his dad asking him "what's wrong with me? don't you love me?" It is heartbreaking and I wish his father wouldn't put him through this.

What I have done is surrender this situation to God. What I have done is decided that to be obedient to God, I will serve other single parents. I've been through a lot. My son has too. And yet, God has had his healing hand upon us for the last few years. God has been so very faithful in every measure. In every moment. We're gonna make it through.

FOR FORREST

My son,
I miss you tonight
thinking about the argument we had about the XBOX
and your class schedule
and too many Monster drinks
thinking about how I washed your t-shirts this weekend
and your one pair of jeans
to get you ready for your junior year

My son,
I miss you this moment
wondering if I'll get addicted to late-night writing and coffee again
if you spend too much time away from me
wondering if you'll remember to pray at your dad's
wondering if you'll remember to brush your teeth
and the braces I just paid off

My son,
I'm amazed
that God would give me you
and create such a marvelous path
out of my heartbreak
and create such peace
with His promises

For although we can't always be together
we love the same God
and He loves us
and part-time anything is better than no-time
and part-time anything feels, my son, like full-time
because not a minute goes by that I'm not your mother
and what a gift this is to my soul..

...and this will be enough until I see you

~Mom

2006-09-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

CHECKING OFF THAT BOX

I had a nice chat with my brother-in-law yesterday. He said something to me that struck me. He said he was proud that I had mentioned to my sister I'd move to Rwanda for a while to help out in the efforts going on there. And yes, most enthusiastically I would but as I share custody of my son, it isn't an option for me at this stage in my life. But I said it and I meant it. What he went on to say had deeper implications for myself and certainly for other Christians.

Having grown up the son of an Anglican Vicar, he knew many who'd ventured to far off places like Africa and the Pacific Islands to do "God's work" as missionaries. He said they would come back with their stories of having traveled to far off places but that they'd never return. He perceived many just wanted to being able to say they'd gone. He said they'd go to "check off that box." And I think I knew what he meant. (sigh)

I do believe it is simply okay to go on a mission somewhere and possibly not return. When one returns they will have their pictures and stories to tell that will undoubtedly be used by God to encourage others to go and serve. I also think of the Apostle Paul who continued to write letters of encouragement and guidance to churches. Even from prison, He continued to write, to reach out, even sending others in His place. Paul understood how important relationship-building is to our faith. So even if one does not return, they can send their love.

It was quite thrilling for me to go someplace so far from home. To travel to a land so different. I have always had a heart for other cultures. So the idea of moving to another culture to live and to serve appeals to me. I realize it doesn't appeal to some. And I also must realize that although I have a personal desire to serve overseas, I have surrendered my life path to God and currently, He holds all details.

But between you and me, I really hope I get to "give it a shot" one day...one day...

~Danielle

2006-09-02T01:16:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVIE

Today is my niece's birthday. Her name is Evelyn and I will never forget the weekend she was born.

It was pouring rain and I was in Mexico (off the Gulf of California on the East side of Baja) with some of my closest friends. I believe it was my brother in law, Simon, who called from England. Later, after I learned Evie had been born and my sister was doing well, I remember toasting with my friends in celebration of my great joy.

My sister's Internet is down right now but maybe she'll get a gander at this post in a week or so. This evening my heart is filled with warmth and love for my sister and her family in England. I miss them and I love them. I thank God each day for their sweet hearts.

2006-08-26T22:42:00.000-07:00

HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW ABOUT AFRICA?

I met a man in church today who was from Africa. I'd say he was in his late 20s. He wanted to know if I would help him find a small group or Bible study. I asked him where in Africa he was from. He was hesitant to tell me. He asked, "Do you know Africa?" I said that I did. He asked me, "How do you know Africa? Have you ever been there?"

I said I had just returned from Africa two weeks ago. He looked shocked (of course). And then he smiled.

I am still in shock that I was in Africa two weeks ago. Still in shock that I walked amongst people who'd suffered from a horrible horrible genocide that took the lives of 1 million people in 100 days. I am still in shock, in awe at the beauty of the land and of the people of Africa.

So, my question for you, my readers (and I hope I still have a few out there because it's been nearly a month since I really blogged or read your blogs...but I have been praying for you...)...My question for you is,

DO YOU KNOW AFRICA? AND MORE SPECIFICALLY, RWANDA?

Do you know that it is predicted that the Rwandan population will increase to 16 million by the year 2020 and that the country is roughly the size of Maryland?

Do you know the current life expectancy is 44? And that the average annual income is $250?

Do you know that the food is simple and yet delicious? That the people are kind and generous? That their hearts beat for Jesus the same as yours and mine? Do you know that between Kenya and Rwanda, I heard Kenny Rodgers', "The Gambler" song at least half a dozen times!?

Here are just a few photos, as promised that I was able to upload tonight (PRAISE GOD!!!!)

MEETING WITH LOCAL SECTOR LEADER

It was here where we met and discussed the problems in the sector we were chosen to serve. This public official was generous enough to allow us to stop by and ask a few questions about the healthcare, education and commerce/agriculture in our area. He was educated in Kenya and India. I was impressed that he had returned home to Rwanda to serve in this poor community. His office was dark and cramped. I don't believe the building had electricity and I doubt there was any running water. And although this man was not completely forthcoming about the problems his Sector is facing in regards to care for those with HIV/AID and education, he was there. He was serving and he was kind enough to speak with us.

By "forthcoming" I mean that he told us that HIV testing was occurring and that medication was free. We found this was not the case when we visited the clinic. And he mentioned that the law forbids parents to keep children home from school. Of course, it is the law, however, it isn't one of those laws that isn't being enforced. (below are some photos of the clinic)

But I would be foolish to guess why he said the things he said. I couldn't imagine myself in his position. The pastor we were working with appears on the far left. The younger man in the white shirt is the official.

BEAUTIFUL WOMEN FROM THE VILLAGE WHO HAD GATHERED TO PREPARE A MEAL FOR US...

These people were amazing. I mean, their hearts were warm and their love-language, friendly. The area in which we served had no running water and no electricity. Many of the children were without shoes or proper clothing. But the smiles...the joy...it was most humbling.

MARKETPLACE

When I spoke to the people, I really felt the Holy Spirit was guiding my words. I said to them that I appreciated their authenticity. I was grateful they held little back about their pains: their hungry children, their need for books for the schools and medicine. I was grateful they told us these things without shame and then embraced us and fed us. They loved on us, when we were sent to love on them. That reciprocal love crushed me on the inside. I felt so unworthy of it. It was as though they were Christ Himself, loving me without condition. Loving me just because I was there to love.

I remember telling them that Jesus had showed the disciples the wounds in his hands and feet. He showed them he'd been pierced. To show them he had died and been resurrected. I said to the people, that Rwanda had died and was now resurrected.

As you read my post, please stop and say a prayer for Rwanda. Thank God for their witness to us as a nation renewed by the blood of Christ.

2006-08-24T20:17:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

I have had a troublesome time trying to post something of my trip to Rwanda. As much as I love to blog, I just haven't found much time to do so after returning home from Rwanda. Forgive me, fellow bloggers!

Rwanda was wonderful. Just wonderful. It was a trip that will inspire my heart forever. I loved the people. I loved their desire and love for Christ. And I am humbled by the way the expressed their affection for me.

I have wanted so much to post photos but haven't had the time since returning. They will come later...but know that I am doing okay and that I will write as soon as I've the time. Since returning home I've had so little spare time to myself. My job has kept me hopping and now, I'm helping get my son ready for his junior year in high school!

I pray all of YOU are well. More later...

In Christ,
Danielle

2006-08-15T20:01:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

I want to post something prolific, something grand or really really deep regarding my trip but I don't know if I have the words...not yet at least.

I felt the presence of God so strongly. I felt how small I am. How big He is. This was not a trip I could have survived on my own strength. It was ALL GOD.

I may wait to write about Rwanda for now. I need some time to let it settle in. But I promise I will be blogging very soon and pictures will follow as well!

In Christ,
Danielle

2006-08-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

HOME AGAIN

Hello Friends,

I didn't exactly say that I was leaving for Rwanda 2 weeks ago. My church asked that I not openly disclose our travel plans. So I chose not to post that I was leaving for Africa but I felt that those of you who have been reading my blog for the past couple of months would "get the idea."

So, now I'm back. And although I'm a bit tired this morning. I wanted to get in a quick blog post.

Rwanda was amazing. The people were so loving and inspiring to me. Here are a couple of photos from my trip. Please enjoy and I will share more later.

Thank you to those of you who were praying for me and my team. And thank you for journeying with me through 40 Days of Praise! You're awesome! What I experienced in Rwanda will change my life forever. I arrive home feeling closer to God and more thankful for my life in Christ than ever before.

~Danielle

2006-07-29T09:20:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR MY LIFE

Friends, it's day 40.

This is my last entry of my 40 Days of Praise. A lot of things happened during this time and I've got to say that keeping my heart focused on the Cross has made an incredible difference in my relationship with God.

During the last 40 Days of my life I left one job and began another. I watched my dear friend suffer as her 14 year old cousin passed away after a painful battle with cancer. I comforted my son after his friend committed suicide. I completed my application to go on board as staff at my church. I had lunch and reconciled with an old friend whom I had not seen or spoken to in 3 years. I have laughed more. Cried less. I have fallen in love with Jesus Christ all over again.

I praise God for my life today. It came to mind recently that I am ready to meet God at any time because I am living in every moment. I am fully alive - completely reconciled with my humanity and God's divinity. This conviction comes from my intimate relationship with God. Knowing I am loved by God has changed my life. I humbly ask that God would use me to spread Christ's message of love. If nothing else, I pray my life would sing unto only God.

Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love (one another) like that. --Ephesians 5:1-2

2006-07-28T23:20:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR RWANDA

Lamb of God
You take away
The sins of all the world
Have mercy on us

Lamb of God
You take away
The sings of all the world
Grant us peace

Praising God for Rwanda and for the opportunity He's granted me. Father, I love you and am unworthy of your fine love.

2006-07-27T23:40:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR TRIALS
(Guest Praise by Janine)

I know this is bold, but something today inspired me to write this praise. Instead of throwing a pity party, I rather praise the God almighty who has every detail of my life in his hands. Trials in our lives are underestimated. We complain and ask God why? Why do I have to go through this? But in reality we should be thankful for them for several reasons.

They bring us closer to God. My intercessor is my friend, as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a man he pleads with God as a man pleads for his friend. --Job 16:20-21

They prepare us for what God wants to do in our lives. We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. --Rom 5:3-4

They help us appreciate the good times and the blessings we have. Your father's blessings are greater than the blessings of the ancient mountains, than the bounty of the age-old hills.--Gen. 49:26

When I decided to go to Rwanda I had no idea that so soon before the trip I would lose my job, and that my little cousin Thassiana would pass away. I know that God's timing is perfect, I know he allowed these things to happen and that He will use them for his Glory. As much as these things seem to be distraction from what He wants me doing, I have to also believe that He was actually freeing me up, away from the stresses of my job and concerns about my cousin. He wanted me free to serve him in mighty ways. So as we prepare our hearts for Rwanda, I can thankfully say: Lord I am ready, use me, and thank you for the trials you have put me through, they have made me stronger and even more ready to serve you!

2006-07-27T23:23:00.000-07:00

Thassiana met Jesus today

From Janine's Blog
July 25

When I got the news I cried. I laid on my bed and sobbed. I screamed why? God why? I know He has a purpose for her life, for her suffering and for her death, but those of us who were close to her will always wonder why. She was a perfect child, smarter than most, and with an amazing spirit. She was super active and playful, loved to tell jokes and play games, in fact that's what she did until a few days before she went into a coma. She had plans to get her driver's license and go to college, she wanted to be a veterinarian. She was the life of the party and a born leader, one of those girls that everyone follows around and who tells the others what to do. When she was 11 she was diagnosed with cancer, she was operated and treated then, and was cancer free for 2 years after that. At age 13, exactly 2 years ago, the tumors came back.

The life expectation for someone with recurring maduloblastoma is 6 months, but not for Thassi, she lived two years defying all odds and what the doctors had to say. She was a fighter, loved life like no one else. For the last two years she did not mind the fact that she didn't look her best. She was swollen from her medication, lost her hair and had many scars all over her little body and yet would not miss an opportunity to go out, and always in style. Her shoes, clothes, earrings and hat all had to match, and she would not leave the house without her lip-gloss. She suffered; she endured massive amounts of pain, medication, surgeries, not to mention the emotional pain. She went through so much and yet without complaining. She was a life example to many of us. I know her suffering is over, I know she is with Jesus now and her body is perfect again, just as it was in her mom's womb. For us who are left, remain the memories, the smiles, and the hope that we'll see her again someday.

I leave you with my favorite pictures of her, because this is how I want to remember her, always smiling.

I appreciate prayers for my family at this time.
Thanks for being a part of our journey

Dearest Janine,

My prayers are for you and your family. My God comfort you. I know Thassi is at peace with Jesus. I praise God that you have been released from the burden of worrying for Thassi's physical strength and that you now have the comfort of knowing she is with God.

With Love,
Danielle

2006-07-26T09:07:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

California has been my home for most of my life. If you were to ask me, I'd say I'm a California girl. And today I am praising God for allowing me to live in such a cool place. I love it here.
I have all sorts of fond memories of going to the beach as a kid. Of body surfing in the waves and flopping around in the ocean. I have wonderful memories of going for clam chowder down at the pier with my grandpa or having coffee down on Lido island with my girlfriends. I truly love this place and I will certainly miss it while I am away on my missions trip.

Another thing I love about this place is its diversity. It doesn't matter where you are from or what you're into, there is a place for you in California. I love the openess and the spirit of the people here.

Lord, thank you for my home here in California
I praise you for all these good years in this good place
Some say we're gonna fall into the ocean
But that's okay
I can swim all right
and I've got You

Father, you have gifted me with a home of sunshine
and diversity
You have brought me here now to do your will
and the people here have touched my heart
I remain a willing servant to them for your glory
God, you are good.

2006-07-25T21:21:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD, THE ALL SUFFICIENT ONE
(from Guest Blogger, Gina)

Today I am praising God for being El Shaddai, The All Sufficient One. I have been fighting spiritual war in my life for several years, and it's been especially tough in the last 5 months or so, as I've left behind a lifestyle of sin, and said good-bye to loved ones to re-commit my life to Jesus. However, as all who have surrendered know, it's not the easiest thing to do. In fact, sometimes I feel overwhelmed with spiritual attack as I am tempted to contact people I shouldn't and go places I know will drag me down.

Yesterday during one of these "moments", I tripped and fell. I didn't go all the way down, but it hurt my heart, and definitely set me back in the grieving process. Anxiety arose.. you know, the kind you feel when you take your eyes off Jesus.

As a result of my tripping, I had a rough night lastnight and ended up crying myself to sleep in despair.. in total sadness and grief of a loss.. a sacrifice. This morning as I read my devotional, how fitting it was for God to show up with just the right story and words to sanitize my wounds. The study spoke of the Exodus.. the Israelites journey out of slavery to the Promised Land. In the reading, I was reminded of God's desire for me to respond to my circumstances and temptations with HIS knowledge rather than simply reacting in my flesh.

First, the Galatians 5:16-17 were quoted in the text which say that as Christians we can no longer do what we want to do.. instead, we must choose to "walk by the Spirit". I read a piece of the Exodus story again, as outlined in the devotional, and was reminded of how He brought them ( and me) out from under the burdens of "Egypt"... how He redeemed them (and me) with an outstretched arm.. how He provided their (and my) redemption from "Egypt" through the blood of the Lamb (passover for them, Jesus for me)... how He drowned their ( and my) enemies in the "Red Sea"... and how He delivered them (and me) overall.

What a striking parallel to what I am faced with in my own life as He leads me away from my own "Egypt"! And how thankful I am to God for meeting me where I was at,,, for assuring me that He is right here to protect me.. that when I am tempted (and like yesterday when I gave in to a portion of the temptation), that He is holding my hand and right here to keep me from going all the way down.

After I stubbed my toe, He cradled me in His ever-loving arms and rocked me while I wept. He counted every tear that fell.. symbolic of a sacrifice of fleshly desires to follow Him. I died a little more to myself lastnight, and though it was extremely uncomfortable, it grew me closer to God. It caused me to fall more in love with Him and understand more of His love for me.

As He is a God that cannot lie, I know He will never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).I praise Him for being my All Sufficient God.

2006-07-24T21:49:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR GRILLED CHEESE AND OTHER RANDOM THOUGHTS

I am so tired! I said...I am so TIRED! I worked a very long day at the office and got home around 8:30pm. All I can think about at this moment is cheese. I'd love a grilled cheese sandwich right about now but I don't have any bread. So I am eating a piece of cheese while I post tonight. But you know what? In my heart, I'm still praising! This cheese tastes good.

I praise God that I can open my fridge and there is food inside. I was so broke years ago. I really had to watch my food budget. I uploaded this silly picture of a grilled cheese sandwich for fun and I see there are some potato chips on the plate. Mmmmm. Ones with ridges no less. In my poorest of poor days, it would have been unthinkable for me to purchase potato chips. They were such a luxury. Now, I could certainly throw a bag into my shopping cart and pay for it with no worries.

Tonight, I am so grateful to God for all that I have. He has kept me fed, my son fed and given me so much more than I ever imagined. God, you are good. Lord, I thank you for your generous provisions.

Other random thoughts this evening include a praise to God for the beautiful sky I witnessed tonight as I left my office building. I don't believe my eyes would have captured that moment had I left any sooner. Not a bad surprise for working late!

Lord, your beauty, your imagination is amazing.

2006-07-23T09:38:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR SABBATH

God knows that we can only do so much. Then why do we try to outdo God and run around like crazy people seven days a week? Today is Sunday and I'm praising God for my Sabbath today. My son is home and we're going to church together and then we'll probably hit the county Fair later on this evening. But the majority of the day is going to be spent at home doing nothing but connecting with one another and God.

Exodus 20:8
Observe the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Work six days and do everything you need to do. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to God, your God. Don't do any workÂnot you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your servant, nor your maid, nor your animals, not even the foreign guest visiting in your town. For in six days God made Heaven, Earth, and sea, and everything in them; he rested on the seventh day. Therefore God blessed the Sabbath day; he set it apart as a holy day.

Does this mean I can't ask my son to clean his room?

2006-07-22T15:43:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR DAY 33

Day 33 of Praise has been a great one so far. Went to a conference this morning and got to spend some quality time with the small group leaders I serve.

The weather here in Southern California is gorgeous today. Lots of sun, mild breeze. I went and had a strawberry milkshake about an hour ago and now I'm settling down to relax a bit before church this evening.

Lord, I praise you for perfect days
For days that begin with worship
For today, I heard the whole earth worship you
and joined in with my heart...

Let the heavens rejoice, and let the earth be glad; let the sea roar, and all its fullness; let the field be joyful, and all that is in it. Then all the trees of the woods will rejoice before the Lord. For He is coming, for He is coming to judge the earth. He shall judge the world with righteousness, and the peoples with His truth. --Psalm 96:11-14

2006-07-21T06:29:00.000-07:00

PRAISING JESUS CHRIST

This morning I am singing in my heart to my Beautiful One. Jesus, you are Master of my heart. Each day I look to the cross. I know I'm not perfect but I understand that's no reason not to seek you.

When I consider that you came to us as a man and experienced all that we experience, I am further humbled. You came to touch, to hug, to converse with, to laugh with. You came to show us just how generous and loving a human being can be.

Beautiful One
Wonderful, so wonderful
Is your unfailing love
Your cross has spoken mercy over me
No eye has seen no ear has heard
No heart could fully know
How glorious, how beautiful you are.

Beautiful one I love
Beautiful one I adore
Beautiful one my soul must sing.

Powerful so powerful
Your glory fills the skies
Your mighty works displayed for all to see (beautiful)
The beauty of your majesty
Awakes my heart to see
How marvelous how wonderful you are.

Beautiful one I love
Beautiful one I adore
Beautiful one my soul must sing
Beautiful one I love you
Beautiful one I adore
Beautiful one my soul must sing.

You opened my eyes to your wonders anew
You captured my heart with this love
Because nothing on Earth is as beautiful as you (Jesus)
You opened my eyes to your wonders anew
You captured my heart with this love
Because nothing on Earth is as beautiful as you.

Beautiful one I love you
Beautiful one I adore
Beautiful one my soul must sing
Beautiful one I love you
Beautiful one I adore
Beautiful one my soul must sing.

And you opened my eyes to your wonders anew
You captured my heart with this love
Because nothing on earth is as beautiful as you.

My soul, my soul must sing,
My soul, my soul must sing,
My soul, my soul must sing,
Beautiful One.

2006-07-19T23:05:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR THIS WOMAN

This is my friend, Janine. A sister in Christ without a doubt.

God has brought so many wonderful women into my life. I am grateful that he introduced me to this woman when he did. She serves alongside me on our team at church, she's been there for me as a friend, and plainly, when I share with her...she just GETS IT.

J, has shown her strength and tenderness in our friendship and I am very blessed to have her in my life.

Father, I praise you for this woman
I thank you for my friend
For one who understands
For one who's patient with me
Lord, you call the shots
And you brought us together
For a time such as this
To serve you
To love and honor you
Dear One, you are good
For in me, love abounds for my kind friend, Janine

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up again. --Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

2006-07-19T21:30:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR MY SOUL

I'll refresh tired bodies; I'll restore tired souls. Jeremiah 31:25

I spoke with someone recently who was feeling a lot of inner conflict. I think this person may have wanted some advice. The only thing I could think to say was praise God for the conflict you are currently feeling. It means you have a soul. It means you are alive.

Feeling SOMETHING, ANYTHING...even if it's conflict...well, it's a great place to be.

For a long time I felt nothing. No conflict. No peaks. No valleys. It was during the 3 years I was on medication for anxiety and depression. I couldn't write. I never really felt a laugh deep. I never had a deep soulful cry.

I guess I felt a little bit of conflict. The type of conflict that sits in your head, not your soul. I mean, I felt okay, I felt functional because I wasn't crying all the time but I felt foolish for masking my emotions with a pill if that makes any sense.

I understand sometimes people need medication to bring them to a certain level of stability. You stablize and then perhaps you can move forward. I mean, I get it. I am not against such medications. But medications often only treat symptoms.

God's medicine treats the soul. His word and His love provide for REAL healing. For REAL life.

Lord, tonight I praise you for gifting me with a soul
Lord, I praise you for tending to my soul so considerately
You are my sweet sweet Lord indeed

2006-07-19T21:19:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD ALL MIGHTY

Hello friends. I could not post yesterday because the batteries in my wireless mouse went kaput! But I was praising in my heart!

The other night thunder and lightening rolled through my town. It was a hot night and my bedroom window was open. I awoke to the sounds of incredible thunder. My heart raced. Clap! Boom! The earth shook. In my head I heard, "Be still and know that I am God."

Those who oppose the LORD will be shattered.
He will thunder against them from heaven;
the LORD will judge the ends of the earth.
"He will give strength to his king
and exalt the horn of his anointed." 1 Samuel 2:10

I lay there still as a pin. Clap! Boom! Crash! Inside, I was shaking. The awesomeness of God. All powerful and completely in control. God is a storm. A force. God is mighty.

2006-07-17T21:46:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR SNACKS

Yeah. This post is weak. I admit it, but I really am convicted about the importance of a snack every now and then.

A snack, in the more philosophical sense, is a break from life. A rest from the routine. A snack, no matter what it is, offers refreshment and can rejuvenate our smile and attitude. Seriously, waive a Little Debbie in front of my face...I don't care WHAT KINDA DAY I'M HAVING...alls good for that moment. : )

Mark 6:30 teaches us about taking a break:
[ After the Supper for Five Thousand ] The apostles then rendezvoused with Jesus and reported on all that they had done and taught. Jesus said, "Come off by yourselves; let's take a break and get a little rest." For there was constant coming and going. They didn't even have time to eat.

So the next time you have some cheese and crackers, a few cookies or even a handful of grapes, praise the Father who encourages us to get OVER our BUSY LIVES and rest in Him.

2006-07-17T21:43:00.000-07:00

40 DAYS OF PRAISE

DAY 28 OF 40 DAYS OF PRAISE
Hello praisers! Wow. I've been praising for 28 days straight. If you have been praising alongside me, how are you doing?

My tongue will speak of your righteousness and of your praises all day long. Psalm 35:28

2006-07-16T14:42:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR BEING IN THE DETAILS

My neighbor's son is 3 years old. He came up to me the other day and without notice, threw his arms around my legs and hugged me. It's been a long time since I received such an innocent and spontaneous gesture. His passionate emotion found its way from his heart into his arms and without hesitation he was soon hanging on me. I felt his pure motivation to joyfulness.

Friends, that hug felt so good.

It's been a long time since I held a child who trusted me. I mean, we can pick up kids and put them down, coo over babies, try and have a chat with a stubborn kid. But honestly, connecting with a child who trusts you brings about something in me I can hardly put to words.

Do you suppose God feels this way about us?

My sister's youngest daughter is very, what I'd call, "huggy." She enjoyed sitting with me and stroking my hair while I visited her this last May. Again, this interaction brought joy to my heart. But I am not around to see this child grow. I get letters. I get pictures. But those hugs. Nothing replaces them. That physical touch, it's powerful. And how I miss it.

Today I praise God for being in every detail of my life. I imagine the Father God who loves me and delights in my trust in him. I praise the One who coos over me and chats with me when I am stubborn. I praise the kind Creator who longs for the surrender of my senses...who waits to enjoy what comes from my heart and passes through me without motivation for his approval, without motivation to just be obedient...with only the desire to express joy in the pure manner in which I was created to display such lavish emotion.

Lord, thank you for being in every detail. For creating these pangs in my heart to know you more.

Thank you for offering me instances where I can feel more deeply my own creation for your pleasure.

2006-07-15T07:24:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD AND KISSES

Reading comments on the last post, it sat on my heart about what Tina was saying about kisses.

What is it about a kiss? Kisses to comfort. Kisses to show adoration. The humble kiss.

Kisses are from God. Rooted in deep expression. Bathed in emotions ranging from the humble to the incredible. Kissses heal. Kisses betray. Kisses, well...they're plainly pretty powerful. Something so small and yet so powerful could only come from God.

I went searching for some cool pictures of kisses. I found many that I'm sharing with you here. Each one of these kisses touch my heart. I feel the joy, the relief, the bewilderment within these images. I begin to understand the awesome power, the often misunderstood expression of a kiss.

Friends, let's praise the One who created us to enjoy giving and receiving a kiss.

1 Thessalonians 5:26
Greet all the brothers with a holy kiss.
I look at these photos and see emotion thriving in a broken world. I imagine a world held together by the seemingly simple kiss. I see the world motivated to LIFE by love for fellow man.

I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous,
your handmade sky-jewelry,
Moon and stars mounted in their settings.
Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,
Why do you bother with us?
Why take a second look our way? Psalm 8:3-4

Friends, our Father has enveloped us in His awesome kiss. Today I praise Him for touching my soul with his kiss.

2006-07-14T05:57:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR THE LIFE OF THASSIANA

Janine reminded me of how it was that I would know Tina.
Janine reminded me of how it was that we would be heading to Rwanda together.

Thassiana is Janine's cousin. This child has been suffering from advanced stages of Meduloblastoma. As I post these words, Thassia sleeps in an induced coma. Her pain is so great that doctors had to do something to ease her suffering.

I ask why God allows ones to suffer. I ask God why children suffer.

I feel convicted it was Thassiana's purpose in life that her illness would bring Janine and I together. Then, shortly afterwards, bring Tina and I together. And then Gina. I feel convicted that Thassiana is the reason we head to Rwanda.

The story goes that Janine decided to take time off from her life to return to Brazil to spend time with Thassiana. She gave up her apartment and went without pay in order to do this. It was during that time I met Janine and I recall praying intently about whether or not I should offer my spare room to her. I had not lived with a roommate in nearly 10 years but I had a spare room. Janine placed her things in storage but introduced me to Tina who co-hosted her small group. Tina moved in and we hit it off immediately and she became like family to me and Forrest.

And you know, one thing lead to another. But this chain of events...I am crying as I write these words...these events, as Tina says, are no coincidence.

Friends, God is in control of this universe. It belongs to Him. We belong to Him. If you don't completely understand this, my prayers are that you will someday.

Friends, please praise the Life of Thassiana with me this morning. Lift her spirit to our generous Lord in prayer.

Walking down the street, Jesus saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked, "Rabbi, who sinned: this man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?" Jesus said, "You're asking the wrong question. You're looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause and effect here. Look instead for what God can do. John 9:1-3

All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. Romans 8:22-24

Lord, I am waiting to see your face. Let no trial diminish my desire. Let no pain diminish the spirit of my sisters in Christ.

2006-07-13T22:12:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR HIS PATIENCE WITH ME

Merely hearing God's law is a waste of your time if you don't do what he commands. Doing, not hearing, is what makes the difference with God. --Romans 2:13

Obedience isn't easy. Tonight Gina took us through a study on obedience. She walked us through the story in Genesis where God asks Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac. Abraham acts upon God's instruction without question.

I have my own Isaac. Maybe you do too. I have things in my life that I've yet to surrender to but I am grateful for God's patience with me. Tonight, I praise God for his patience and loving presence in my life.

2006-07-12T19:28:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR THESE WOMEN

These are my sisters in Christ. I love them with all my heart and my heart is full of praise and thanks for the One who brought us together. I don't know where my life would be without these 3 ladies. Just as Tina said on Monday, there are no "coincidences." My meeting these gals was planned by God and I'm ever-grateful.

Ladies, I love you. I am so blessed to be serving in Rwanda alongside you.

Father in Heaven, I praise you.

Lord, thank you for these women
Thank you for their precious hearts
which they so humbly turned towards mine
Thank you for Tina's laughter
For Gina's spirit
For Janine's strength
Thank you for their collective courage
God, you knew just what I needed

2006-07-11T21:21:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR SLEEP

Long days at the office on my new job. This evening, I'm praising God for sleep. Sweet, restful sleep.

You all know the prayer...

Now I lay me down to sleep...

2006-07-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

40 DAYS OF PRAISE

DAY 21 OF 40 DAYS OF PRAISE
Hello praisers! 3 weeks down and I really feel great praising each day. I was giving more frequent praise updates but decided a weekly update should be pretty good. For those of you who've been following along, thank you thank you!

2006-07-10T20:39:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR "COINCIDENCES"
(by Guest Blogger: TiNA)

Coincidence: A sequence of events that although accidental seems to have been planned or arranged.

Thank you dictionary.com, but I don't believe in coincidences. I am changing the definition to "God-structured" moments.

God's timing is perfect! I can look back over my life thus far and see these "coincidence" moments. Was it a coincidence that my current roommate and I, who used to live by ourselves, both needed to find a new place to live at the same time. Was it accidental that we were in the same small group and shared the same prayer request. How strange it was that Danielle's heart had been moved to want to rent a room in her house when it looked like I was going to go a couple of months without housing. And... that she mentioned it to my future roommate. It is also amazing that we all get along and do not get on each other's nerves.

But... I guess I was just lucky... or maybe it was God.

I choose God.

God sees the bigger picture. In Mere Christianity, CS Lewis describes how God and humans view time like that of an author and the character in the story. God the author knows the ending. He knows how and when to set in motion events that will effect the bigger picture. Where we are like the character in the story. We only know the past and present. We do not know the end or what is going on with other characters to create that jaw-dropping climax and conclusion. A suspense book is not suspenseful to the author, just those who don't know the end. (Must read that chapter in the book, because I butchered it. Mere Christianity, book iv, chapter 3, Time and Beyond)

I praise God for the song that plays on the radio that you "really needed to hear today"
Friends that out of the blue say the tough stuff you needed to hear
Pastors that prepare and preach that whole sermon just for me, even though there are tons more listening
The cards/emails of encouragement right when I need it
The hug of a friend when I was feeling down (but they didn't know)
The buddy that logs onto IM the moment I was wondering how they were doing
Meeting my beautiful nieces after 9 months of waiting and not knowing what they were going to look like

Please comment on other moments that were so "God-structured" that only He can be given the glory!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

~TiNA

2006-07-09T14:43:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD THAT I AM WOMAN

Loving you
kind King,
for the joy you take in loving me

What creature am I to you?

that you'd create this life
for me
that you'd create second chances
and love I've yet to see

asking only that I believe

What love you have for me
unfounded, I'd suggest

try as I might
I try my best
lover of mine
in you I rest

Loving you
of Light
What creature is woman to you?

that you'd create these hands
that write
that you'd create this voice
that speaks of perils deep

What love have you for me
in my desires weak?

all my life,
longing for thee
for whom I cannot see
my Lord, my Lord, my Lord come to me

all my life,
this deep longing
for whom I cannot see
my Lord, my Lord, my Savior, I come to thee

~lyrics by Danielle, July 2006

2006-07-08T15:27:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD, THE FATHER WHO LEAVES NO DETAIL UNDONE

Friends, it is beyond comforting to know that I blog within a community of such kind believers. Your comments on my blog are generous, so generous.

I am simply praising God today. God, you are great. God you are here now.

I would like to share the lyrics from a song I love. I praise the God who created birds to sing in the dead of night. He longed to hear their songs. He is waiting to hear ours.

BLACKBIRD
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arive
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of a dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of a dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

2006-07-08T04:20:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR HIS UNFAILING LOVE

It is 4:00 a.m. Saturday morning. I did not post a praise yesterday but when I said 40 Days of Praise, I meant it. 40 Days.

Yesterday was tough on my heart. I was not in a position to blog until, perhaps after dinner but I found myself weeping and then I fell asleep.

This is Friday's post.

I praise God for His unfailing love. He sees my heart. He rewards my obedience and yet allows me to come to Him, to make my own decisions. There was a decision I made recently that left me in conflict. I struggle to understand this now. This decision involves me keeping in contact with a man whom I feel attracted to but that I know I should not pursue because he doesn't share my faith.

I'M NOT GONNA KID MYSELF
What I find powerful about my interaction with him is that it very quickly drew attention to what I feel inside and struggle with on a deeper level.

My tears aren't for him, my tears are for my future husband. I wonder, God, did you create someone for me? And how long until he gets here? My tears are for God. To show him this hurts.

Friends, as a child did you ever steal something? Did you ever take something that wasn't yours? Maybe it was a candy bar or a toy. Maybe you took an extra cookie when you were instructed not to. That's how I feel. I'm that child being asked to return what is not mine. These tears express my shame and my disappointment that this will not be mine. But I am obedient. I trust the Father who loves me and instructs me.

I praise God for friends. My friend was there for me Friday night to talk. She shared with me something I find as REAL as I find controversial. Many men who are not Christians are drawn to the Christian woman because she is humbled, she is honorable, she is loving and very real. We are an anomaly in this ugly world. The struggle we face in our hearts is disruptive and can be costly if we are not accountable to one another.

I feel this man is drawn to me. I feel myself being drawn to him and I think: this is stupid. But he isn't the first and he will not be the last. This is a battle I feel I will be engaged in for a long time, maybe even for the rest of my life. God's love will always be enough. But I face that God's love won't translate into a pair of arms around me at night.

LORD, HEAR MY PRAISES
Father, I praise you
Lord, I love you with all my heart
And last night, I wept at the foot of the cross
Asking to understand your unfailing love for me
Feeling wretched and weak
Humbled by my curiousity and selfish desire
Humbled by your love outstretched for ME
And, Father I wept for those who do not yet know you
I wept for those whom I feel I could love
I wept for my heart that deceives me
I called out for your truth to guide me
Gracious Redeemer, I praise you for the Cross

Father, I praise you
Lord, I love you with all my heart

Amen.

P.S. I ate a Klondike Bar mid-way through this post. Friends, I think I'm gonna be okay. Thank you for continuing to read...

2006-07-06T22:28:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR HIS STRENGTH, NOT MINE

Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. 1 Chronicles 16:11

Friends, I did not post this morning because I had to be at work early. This new contract is requiring a lot of my time. Today was a good day but a day in which I had to have immense patience and strength.

Hmmm. Tough day at work. Feeling very burnt out and tired. Feeling exhausted. Cried on my drive home out of sheer frustration. Sounds like a good time to praise my Sweet Lord!!! So here goes...(this is better than Advil, trust me!)

Father, I praise you tonight for your strength
Lord, you are my ROCK
You are my STRONGHOLD
You are the foundation upon which I lay my life
You are awesome
And in that word: A-W-E-S-O-M-E,
You are so-much-more
To me it means, Mighty
To me It means King
It means Savior

Lord, you are Good.

2006-07-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR BEING BIGGER THAN ME

I'm 2 weeks into my 40 Days and I have to say that God has been constantly on my heart. My problems didn't go away. My life remained the same. But I feel more connected to God than ever. Father, thank you for creating me in your image. Thank you for creating me so that you could love me and teach me your ways.

This morning I am just plainly praising God. I'm praising God for being bigger than little ole' me. Without God in my life, I'd be no where.

Lord, thank you for being the gracious Father than you are
God, you are Awesome
And this life wouldn't be a life without you
And this heart wouldn't be full with joy without you
These words are written for my risen Savior
These praises all for the One in Heaven who pursued my heart
for so many years and finally caught me!
Your love refreshes my spirit
Your love refreshes my soul

Friends, I pray you are praising God in your hearts this morning. If you are burnt out and need refreshement, go before him and honor him. He wants to know you. He longs to be in a 2-way relationship with you. I'd like to leave you with this encouragement,

It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself--Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration. John 4:23-24 (MSG)

2006-07-04T09:24:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR AMERICA

I gotta say that the Fourth of July probably isn't my favorite holiday. I'm thinking this is because it involves BBQs and because I don't eat meat. There's always that awkward moment when I slap my veggie dogs onto the grill. I'm also not a big fan of picnics. I love all the food at picnics but that's really where it ends.

My sister lives in England now and when I spoke with her this weekend, she shared with me that her daughters wanted to have watermelon and hotdogs for dinner in honor of America's Independence Day. But getting watermelon in a tiny English town like my sister's would be a feat. And she tells me that hotdogs are typically sold in cans or jars.

Eish.

And this is what got me thinking. I really am blessed to have been born in America and I'm blessed to be living here now instead of in a place that sells hotdogs in cans (I mean, even though I don't eat hot dogs, this is still, plainly WRONG). God, I love America and I thank you for,

Apple Pie
Jimi Hendrix
Diet Coke
Martin Luther King
Duke Ellington
Frank Lloyd Wright
John Steinbeck
Denny's
International House of Pancakes
San Francisco
The Colorado Rockies
The Redwood Forests
Biscuits
My freedom
My rights as a woman

Amen!

2006-07-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR THE PRIVILEGE OF SERVING OTHERS

Jesus Washes His Disciples' Feet - John 13 (NIV)

It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.

The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet?"

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."

"No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet."
Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."

"Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!"

Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.

When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

This morning I'm praising God for allowing me the opportunity and privilege to serve others. I have the privilege to serve as a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend and as a leader in the singles community at my church.

Jesus Christ gave us the loving example of a servant's heart. Sometimes, I don't feel that I am worthy to serve. I will admit that it is often easier to serve complete strangers than to serve family and close friends. I'm working on this, asking God to humble me further. I need the constant reminder of the Cross. I fix my compass on the Lamb. I praise God for his generosity that he has called my heart and given me such an orchard to work. I will never forget these days of my life. Service to others in Christ's name is part of my foundation in Him that I hope to build on for the rest of my life.

2006-07-02T22:49:00.000-07:00

40 DAYS OF PRAISE

DAYS THIRTEEN AND FOURTEEN HIGHLIGHTS
All seems well. I am beginning to get caught up on reading your blogs and sharing your praises. My son has been with me for a full week now. PRAISE indeed! The weather here in Southern California couldn't be beat. AND, it's a 4 day holiday weekend.

My heart is filled with the spirit of God. I've been trying to spend some quiet quality time in prayer and reflection. I hope your hearts are resting in Him as well.

Praise be to God.

2006-07-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR MY HOME

I want to thank God today for my home. I offer praise to him for the provisions he's made in my life. I never thought I would be so blessed as to become a homeowner. I can't say if it will be in my future to own this home forever, I'm leaving this in the Father's hands. I still desire to go and work for my church full time. I am willing to sacrifice my home for this purpose. But while I am here now, I praise God for his generosity.

In this home I've had the chance to live with my son. This has brought us closer together. I've also had 2 very special godly roommates lead to me and built lasting friendships with each woman.

So today, Lord, I praise you for your generous provisions. Father, I praise you for my home.

Lord, thank you for this special place that warms my heart
I know that it cannot compare to the home that awaits me in heaven
Thank you for the bunnies that run around the grass outside
Thank you for my friendly neighbors
Thank you for allowing me the means to live here

I PRAISE YOU Lord for the generosity you've poured out onto my life

Note: in an act of worship, I'm going to be cleaning my home today!

2006-07-01T11:22:00.000-07:00

HAPPY CANADA DAY
(Felt I had to do this for my Canadian peeps who read my blog!)

Taking a break from 40 Days of Praise to celebrate Canada! Sorry the Stanley Cup is in North Carolina right now. Well, maybe not so sorry... ; )

Oh Canada!
Thank you for SCTV
Barenaked Ladies
Kids in the Hall
Mike Meyers
And John Candy, God Rest His Soul
Thank you for awesome Hockey!
Beautiful Jazz Festivals
And beautiful hearts for God!

2006-06-30T22:44:00.000-07:00

PRAISING GOD FOR THE WORD

I loved this photo of this child reading to an elephant. This is me reading God's Word.

The elephant is what I face within. Sometimes I chose to see my elephant. Sometimes I don't.

I am praising God this morning for His Word, for the love letter He left me. Within His Word He leaves guidances and promises. Within His Word the story of His Great Love for Me is shared.

Historically, individuals did not read and study God's word. The first printed Bible was around 1454. Tradition shows us that typically a rabbi or head of a family or community of people's would have a Bible (or Torah) and read it to others. The Bible was read and interpreted in community. So I take this praise a step further and thank YOU as my community of interpreters. I also thank my pastors and my small group.

Father, I thank you for inspiring scripture
Lord, I praise you for the stories held within
I praise you for inspiring men to leave in the confusing parts
I praise you for being a God who allows me and others to wrestle
I praise you for being a God who provides instruction to teach us,
not punishment

With Love,
Danielle

2006-06-30T20:16:00.000-07:00

40 DAYS OF PRAISE

DAYS ELEVEN AND TWELVE HIGHLIGHTS
I have begun a new job and wonder if it has been somehow placed in my path to distract me. The days are long and I feel very tired. I have not had the energy this week to visit many of your blogs to read and comment. I am praising with you though.

I took off from work today for a few hours and headed to my church. Chris Tomlin was playing. So I took off my heels and stood barefoot in our worship center and jumped and shouted and worshipped. This was a special blessing. T'was the perfect way to end day 12 of these 40 Days of Praise. : )